Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A child's cry for Attention

What is the difference between a child's "Cry for Attention", and a child's cry for help. 

The listener.  A child has the God give right to love and attention of their parents or guardians.  A child deprived of the love and attention of their parent will begin to act out.

A Parent who doesn't want to be troubled by their children will say, "It's just a cry for attention.  Don't feed it." 

A Parent who genuinely loves their children will realize they need to at least spend more time with their child to make a difference.

The Passage of Time as Atonement

If the mere passage of time washes away our sins, then we have no need of the atonement of Jesus Christ.  But the passage of time does not cleans our crimes.  Imagine Genghis Kkan at the Judgement bar of God.  "But God, that was like, 400 years ago!"

Friday, August 19, 2011

Attempts of Victim Intimidation.

I received an unbelievable phone call today.

A woman  called me.  She believed I have information on her husbands ex wife.    She believes that the ex wife has said privately that the husband abused her.

She wanted to supeana me to speak against the ex wife in custody court, that the woman spoke of being abused.  And thus attempt to revoke custody of the children from a mother who may or may not have spoken privately about abuse.

I cannot begin to express the rage at this behavior.  The very idea, that if a woman speaks privately of being abused, that she can have her children taken away.

And people wonder why so many women are silent about abuse.  Their children are held ransom.  Women are blackmailed into silence. 

Fear of Losing Child Custody for Coming Forward

It took me years before I could even begin to form the words of what happened to me.

Yet every night, I cried into my pillow as I tried to go to sleep at night.

Terrible memories of what he did to me replayed in my mind.

But I was so afraid to talk to anyone about it.

It was so ugly, so shameful.  I couldn't believe he could do those things to me.

About a year after the divorce he was prosecuted for something much smaller, just hitting me. 

I didn't have the courage to tell anyone about the other things, so I decided to support the prosecution of the smaller case.

I was also afraid for his behalf.  I didn't want to hurt him.  The state of Idaho Prosecutes the husband when the wife is unwilling.   They promised me they'd just force him to go to anger management.   I believed it would help him. 

I didn't have the courage to come forward to talk about the more serious things that  happened to me.

The month before the hearing was pure hell.   Just thinking about testifying against my husband whom I still loved was horrible to me.  Yet so much was screaming inside of me to get out.

The day before the sentencing I Counseled with one I trusted.  I hinted to what I could not actually form the words to say.  I asked if I should speak of those things at the sentencing.   I was told, "If it is true, tell it."

One of my biggest fears, beyond just the horror of testifying against someone you love was this.  I was afraid I would loose my children in custody court if I spoke out about what he did to me intimately.  He was the one with money for attorneys, not me.  I was afraid that if I spoke out about serious abuse, he would accuse me of false accusations, because he was more persuasive, even when he was wrong.  I was so scared of him and the power he pretended to have.

I spoke at the hearing.  The judge let me go on and on.  I don't remember what I said.  It was like a blackout in my mind.  I remember bits and pieces of what I said.  I remember trembling.

I felt blessed that although I didn't have the courage or strength or understanding to do the real thing, for the real case that should have been, I had a small measure of peace.

But some foolish women like me, do fear to speak out, for fear of harming their children with the knowledge of the truth, or loosing their children to men with the money who hire attorneys and punish women who speak out.

I do know there are those who are so twisted and evil that would punish a woman by using those cries for help against them in court to attempt to take their children away.  

If anyone ever came to me trying to silence a woman, or punish a woman for speaking about abuse, I would shout it to the world and take them to the cleaners.  I will always speak out against abuse.  I will always defend and protect the abused.  Ghandi taught by word and example that best way to overcome abusers is to speak out against them publicly.