Saturday, November 28, 2009

Why Abusers Abuse

The Universal Rhetoric of Hate Applied to Marriage

Here is an example of how the false belief system of Hate logic, is applied the heart of a husband to provoke him to anger against his wife.

The source of these ideas are the words of abusers.  Individual Abusers will not necessarily believe all of these statements, but will believe many of them. These come from statements abusers make to the abused and to the children.

These statements and beliefs are parallel to openly declared beliefs demonstrated in hate propaganda, such as The Hutu Ten Commandments,  Mein Kampf, "The Jews and their Lies", Black Liberation Theology.  You can substitute "Your wife" for Jew, Whitey, Blacky, Serb, Tutsi, Crip, or Blood.

I endured many of these accusations for years.  It was not until my Daughter came home from court ordered visitation from Dad's and declared that Dad says, "When mommy does good, it's because she has bad purposes.  Mom's heart is bad, and she can't do good.  A good fruit cannot come from a bad tree." That I was provoked to write these out.

The Hutu of Rwanda declared the same of the Tutsi and added the barbaric phrase, "Cut the trees down."

I would not believe that anyone could say or believe these things unless I heard them myself, and read them in hate media. I used to be the ultimate submissive wife, turning the other cheek, believing 'If I could just prove my sincerity to him."  Refusing to revile against the reviler.   But this Hate rhetoric effectively immunizes the abuser/hater against gentle loving responses taught by the Savior.

In my ignorance, for years I believed that this behavior was unique to my husband.  That no one in the world could understand what I was going through.  That I was alone.  Since then, I've spoken to many women who've experienced the same destructive belief system.  DV books explained it.  And then of course I came across a tiny tidbit of race hate propaganda,  and my eyes were opened to the pervasive nature of the script.

This rhetoric goes against the most basic principles of the Universal Rhetoric of Love taught by many faiths.  A child raised up understanding their true power of free will cannot be seduced by this hateful rhetoric.

The abuser believes that the abused can and does exercises power over them.  Power that must be overcome.

This belief system is saturated in every hate propaganda known to man. For centuries this belief system has filled the earth with violence and hate.

In Domestic Violence, just as in ethnocentric hate, the abuser creates a false reality of who his companion is.   Instead of focusing on purifying his own intentions. actions, and consequences, he focuses on his false beliefs of her intentions. He believes he can read her mind and determine the corrupt intentions of her kind acts.   Because in his mind, she is of course, "acting" anyway.   He can then go after her without any remorse or shame.  And feel a sense of vindication and rejoice in his actions.

This perverse belief system itself provokes the abuser to hatred without any wrong doing on the part of the abused. 

The conversion of a man or woman from the dominant feelings of love and affection, to the URH may be gradual.

These are not assumed beliefs, but boldly declared beliefs of abusers.

The first statement is a false premise that must exist in order for the following to be believed, and not a statement openly declared.
  • You have no Personal Power or Free Will.
  • Your wife is trying to control you.
  • Your wife may seek power over your thoughts words, actions, identity and life.
  • Controlling you is the sole purpose of all the thoughts words and actions of your wife.
  • Your wife has various methods of controlling you.
  • Your wife is inferior.
  • All action and or status that is detrimental to yourself or you done by your wife is intentional to fulfill the purpose of controlling.
  • All actions that seem kind, good, or affectionate, are ways in which your wife seduces, weakens and controls you.
  • All sex, intimacy and reproduction is used by your wife for the sole purpose of controlling you, seducing you, overcoming you.
  • Your wife wants to have children just to control you, and trap you.
  • Your wife's religious faith is false, her pretended beliefs for the sole purpose of controlling you.
  • Any "sacrifice" your wife made for you was just to ingratiate you into her control.  It is evidence of her extreme perverse desire for domination and control.
  • Any condition that exists that is undesirable or detrimental to you, is the result of the intentional actions of your wife.
  • Because all pretended good and actions by your wife is of evil manipulative intent, your wife is not worthy of gratitude, kindness or mercy.
  • All obvious attempts to withstand you and your teachings by your wife, is an attempt to control you.
  • Your wife must be eliminated or subjugated in order for you or you to have Free Will.
  • Every organization, thought, home, belief, institution, faith and work of your wife must be eliminated or you will be controlled.
  • Any kindness, gratitude, concessions, mercy or aid given to your wife enables your wife to fulfill her controlling purpose.
  • Anyone who sympathizes with your wife is a Puppet of your wife.
  • God is against your wife.
  • Your wife is ruled by the Devil
  • All actions against your wife are Justified
  • Peace talk is just to sedate you while your wife controls you.
  • Any appeal to authorities for aid by your wife, is just to control you and blackmail you into her control.

Once these beliefs are secured in the heart of the husband, he feels betrayed, hurt, and anger.   All trust and love is eliminated from his heart.

His wife is left without any means of proving her love and loyalty for him.  She has no means of redemption.

He will act out in violence, legal, and illegal against her.  He will justify and escalate sexual abuse, because he believes she's using sex to control him.

His hostile actions will eventually force her to take action to defend herself.  Yet, any attempt on her part to verbally, legally, physically defend herself is seen as evidence of her corrupt nature.

Now, every condition that exists in their marriage, good or evil, is proof of her corruption.

The husband will look back on their years and experiences together, remembering each sweet moment and "realize" that all those seemingly kind actions really had evil intent.

Every tender memory will be rewritten with corrupt intent.

She is usually left confused, heartbroken, and helplessly endlessly, futilely trying to prove herself to him.  By the time she finally stands up to him, standing up to him will bring her own personal crucifixion.

Every kind act on her part will provoke him.

Every word she speaks will provoke him.

Every glance will provoke him.

He will feel strong, just, righteous, and proud for any and all cruel actions he takes against her.

He is able to write her off completely as a human being.

He is filled with every emotion and belief the Devil himself delights in.

He can take her every emotion, action and being and write IT off.

All her hopes, dreams, love, sacrifices, fidelity, hardships, identity, tender memories, are violently raped from her.

No matter what he does to her, he can sleep peacefully at night with a justified conscience.

He will then sit the children down, and teach the children about the true motives of their mother.

There is no more thorough rape of a soul than this.

If indeed Lucifer exists.  These are his most precious teachings.

In stark contrast, the belief system taught by Jesus Christ and Peacable Teachers lead to
  • Love
  • Faith
  • Redemption
  • Hope
  • Unity
  • Fidelity in Marriage
  • Tenderness
  • Forgiveness
  • Compassion
  • Mercy
  • Personal Accountability
  • Awareness of ones free will
  • Personal Strength
  • A focus on the intentions of ones own heart and mind
  • A desire to reach out and lift those who fail.


Anonymous said...

Read the posting. Powerful! Call me. K

Anyse said...

I was most moved by “She is usually left confused, heartbroken, and helplessly endlessly, futilely trying to prove herself to him. By the time she finally stands up to him, standing up to him will bring her own personal crucifixion.” This is how I felt with my stbx for years and could not understand why I could never really please her no matter what I did or did not do . . . WOW!