This essay is for the many women who still love abusive men despite everything they do to you.
If he's really willing to overcome it, and you are willing to stand up to him, and he takes it, maybe.
Remember Jacob worked 7 years for Rachel, actually 14, you deserve the same.
Honey, if you want him back, and you want the happiness you deserve, stand up to him. Be strong. Make him face reality.
If he can't take it, all his charm is meaningless and self deception.
If he runs away when you stand up to him, it simply means he was just going to hurt you again anyway.
Realizing they may leave you, can be the hardest part of standing up to someone you love.
Maybe his return can be considered if;
A. He has a family who will stand up to him and kick his hiney.
B. He admits to everything,
C. He attends extended counseling with a counselor who knows the truth.
D. Respects your hurt, and validates it, and works to repair it.
E. Serves his time and pays his debt to society if necessary.
F. You can stand up to him, maintain your own identity, and he respects you.
G. You can tell him no without him flying into a rage.
H. You must be separated for at least a 6 months, a year is better.
I. He tells the people he's lied to the truth.
J. He has to respect your faith.
Then you can consider it. After abuse has entered a relationship, it's pretty challenging to eradicate. Because of the personal risk involved, you have to be emotionally strong enough to demand all of this.
He has to change and come to understand how amazing you are.
You have to change and realize how valuable you are, and be strong enough to demand the respect you deserve.
Once you realized how amazing you are, it becomes more difficult to impress you.
Unfortunately so many women love their husband so much. They desperately want to see their family together in peace.
They quickly forget how abuse is passed on to the children. How vulnerable they are.
They forget so quickly how their husband loved how helpless she was against him. It's so easy and tempting to just take the man back, and forget everything as though it never happened.
After years of emotional and personal investment of nurturing, it seems impossible to give up for some women.
For some women, walking away from the relationship can hurt as much as the relationship itself. It can leave such a huge void in her soul. Every woman I have met who has allowed him to return prematurely, has suffered immeasurably.
But they don't care, they just settle for the illusion of a family. One friend was beaten until she couldn't get up again when her baby was only 5 weeks old. She was helpless for several days. Within a week she took him back. Too many stories to list.
Sisters, remember that the Almighty God loves you.
He doesn't want you to suffer.
Your feelings are valid, and of worth to God. God does not expect you to stay, or risk your own emotional well being for another.
Recovery from an abusive marriage can take as long as the marriage itself.
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