Secret Abusers

Advice to abused women and their families. 

One of the biggest mistakes abused women make, is keeping it all secret. 

Abusers thrive and love secrecy. 

Shame, fear that if she speaks tells people he won’t forgive her, (yes, very funny, I know), intense loyalty, all keep her in silence. 

But the sad thing is, most abusers especially those who only abuse in secret are obsessed with what people think of them. 

She has to grow a very, very, big mouth. Much abuse can be deterred, prevented, stopped etc., if the abuser knows she’s gonna blab it to EVERYONE. 

I’ve always admired Gandhi. Yes, I thought by turning the other cheek and always showing him kindness no matter what he did would move him. But Gandhi didn’t JUST turn the other cheek and always show kindness. Gandhi spoke up! Gandhi told the mean British soldiers what they were doing was wrong and why. Gandhi told the media, the news outlets everything that was happening. And when the news of the tragedies got back to England... The English people were offended by the actions of their own government, and pressured the government to back down. 

Speak up, be heard! 

 The families of abused women need to let the abuser know that they are listening to their daughter and sister, that they have faith in her word, and that they will take action if she’s abused. 

One woman told me a story of how her husband was only a little abusive until her family told her husband they didn’t care what she thought or said. After that her husband’s abuse skyrocketed. He knew he could abuse her without anyone listening. 

 Two books families need to read, “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans, and “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft.