Who I write to

This blog is written for three kinds of people

The First kind of person, is the individual receiving abuse.  I know how frightening and confusing psychological and emotional abuse can be. Not to mention that it leads to physical abuse.  I want you to know that you are not crazy. Well, you're probably crazy by now, but that's going to be alright. I want you to know that you can get through this and that you are not alone.

The Second is the family members and confused loved ones, the outsiders looking in.  You need to understand your sister/brother being abused is doing absolutely nothing to deserve it.  Abusers abuse because they can.  The abuser's compass is broken.  Abusers retaliate when they should apologize.  They retaliate when they should say thank you.  Reality is upside down for them.  They have no respect for civil discourse, compassion, and understanding.  Abusers work full time to persuade their victims that they are psychotic, illogical raging monsters, all while convincing the rest of the world that they themselves are sane and reasonable.  The victims are usually the only ones who get to see the illogical raging monster.

The Third is the abusers themselves.  They need to see and understand what they are doing wrong, and their personal impact on the lives of their loved ones and their children.   They need to repent and change.  That repentance includes going to the individual they abused and take ownership of their actions. They need to apologize and quit making excuses for their behavior.  The sooner they do this the sooner they can build a good life, instead of threatening and intimidating the victim into silence.  Every article I've ever written, I've hoped and prayed that an abuser would read it and finally realize the damage they've done in the lives of those who loved them.  I've prayed that they would repent and seek to heal those they have hurt.  That's all any abuse victim wants.

I personally never got to see the one who abused me repent.  I prayed and prayed, wept many nights, and hoped for all our sakes.  There is nothing more in life I could have ever wanted for me and my children and our little family.  But it never happened.  As long as someone is still living, they can repent.  There has been so much hurt, abuse and damage that continues on.  I know I did everything I could through the years.  I know that through the repentance process families can be healed.  I personally know the devastation that happens in the lives of children.  If I personally had to go to jail to help that person repent, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Last month I worked on a voter registration project.  I met many repentant "felons" who thought they could never vote again.  It was beautiful to see the expression on their faces as I told them they could vote, and that their views were recognized.   Seeing so many on the other side of the repentance and change process was beautiful. It's heartbreaking watching those held back because they refuse to do what has to be done to clean their life up.  So many pretend, and lie, and try to go forward.  But they can't.  Such people never get to enjoy the real blessings of true repentance.

So, if you are the abuser reading this, please, just repent. Realize what you've done is wrong.  Change.  Go to the one you've hurt and confess.  Stop blaming them for your actions and your choices.  Whatever went through your head to convince yourself the abuse was valid, was in your head and had nothing to do with reality.  No one can control you.  No one has ever been able to control you.  Go through all the steps of repentance.  Work to repair the damage you've done in your family's lives.  Go to your children.  As them to forgive you.  If your children have problems, well you probably caused them anyway so you can't judge them.  Don't expect instant gratification in the repentance process.  These things take time.  Whatever years and energy you spent as a bastard to them, if you are really repentant, and it's real, you should be willing to put the same amount of emotional time and effort to repair.

So those are the three kinds of people this blog is for.