The desire for Empathy and Respect

Years ago a friend of mine, a young mother was called into the elementary principal's office due to her daughter's terrifying behavior. The principal explained to the mother how her daughter outlined in graphic detail the suffering she wanted another child to go through. It included being cut and such. As the mother listened, she realized that the graphic description was simply the step by step of the medical procedure her daughter just had. Just last week that child had her 27th surgery. The mom realized, that her daughter desperately wanted the other child to know, feel and understand how she felt, what she had to deal with. The desire to be understood is intense. We can gain understanding by going through what others go through, or just learning about it, or just accepting that their experience is valid and know that many others go through great trials, and respecting all others as such. Those who want to be understood, who want others to learn the lessons of their own lives, can do one of many things. 1. They can wish their own adversities on others, so they can learn. However, they may not learn the same lesson in the same experience. 2. They can Share their adversities and lessons learned. 3. They can accept that others do not know and will never understand. #3 runs the possibility that those who do not know, nor do not want to know to empathize, may end up suffering the same, but not always, thus one may prefer #2 to keep others off the path. The more intense the adversity, the more likely we don't want others to experience the same. 4. There are other ways to deter others from experiencing our own adversities, such as sharing the core principles to live by that deter them from these adversities. Some adversities are okay for others to face, others, others you never want others to face. Some people are not capable of understanding, nor do they desire to understand. One woman used to always say, "I just don't understand why you/he/she did (whatever)." as though her own lack of understanding invalidated the lives of others. We cannot make others understand. I think it was Ron Howard who said, "Without empathy, there can be no human understanding." That really hit me. Those who do not desire to understand never will understand. Many feel that others' inability to understand them, invalidates them as a human being. Others not understanding them makes them nothing. Many live lives of invalidation and hopelessness. You cannot make others have "empathy". Empathy is a skill that others may choose or not choose to have. It's important to understand that others cannot invalidate us and our experiences. But empathy, understanding is intrinsically tied to respect. And Respect is tied to Love. Respect and Love fill us to empower us to overcome all and move forward. many must learn to accept solely the Respect of their Creator, and their self-respect.