There were many times he screamed at me at our door. I stood there and spoke as kindly, calling on all the love I had within me.
Why?
I loved him. I felt sorry for him. I was afraid for our children. I was afraid for him.
How could I teach our children to love if their parents can't love each other?
He thought he could be controlled.
Reciprocating kindness for cruelty is the ultimate way to show, "You can't control me. I can't control you."Its how you break the illusion of control. We can't control others, we can only control ourselves.
I wanted to teach my children to love him, to love me, to love unconditionally. We do not love the perfect unconditionally, we love the flawed unconditionally. We are all flawed.
Usually, when someone is under the delusion that you are out to get them in some way, or that you are their enemy, if you treat them with kindness, they realize they got it all wrong and soften up.
Usually. There are exceptions. This was one.
For 1,000,001 reasons that flooded my mind, I reciprocated with all the love I had.
I felt I had loved him for eternities, and this was just one screwed up moment in time.
If I could teach my children to love him, then even if I couldn't save him then, then our children could save him later.
The Star Wars prequels were out, and he was young Anakin to me. Mulder was also replaced by a alien human hybrid super soldier out to kill Scully while she was pregnant with the mystery baby.
Being forced to fight someone you love and care for is pretty freaky.
Anyway, I kept seeking Luke Skywalker take the mask off of Darth Vader.
Someday, he could be saved. If not then, then someday.
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