Sundowners in Younger Abusers

 Sundowners is a condition usually with the elderly where they become confused in the evenings.

Some memory issues suffered by the elderly, can manifest early in life, even in their 20s when they have brain injuries, lack of sleep, medical issues, and any number of causes.

Different people react differently to confusion. 

Some people react with anger any and every time they feel even a little confused.

Others work through it trusting they are going to get it eventually and realize they can trust the people around them.

Some people who have a general lack of trust of others, will manifest anger and even become violent when they are confused.

If you notice that your 'abuser" becomes more abusive at night and always angry over what they don't understand, its possible they are suffering from an early manifestation of Sundowners.

Always remember that you don't deserve to be treated that way. Their confusion is not on you. You can try to calm them down, but get the help you need to deal with them.

Sundowners can be very dangerous when the sufferer needs to dominate over others to feel "secure".

Recognition of the cause of the problem is the beginning of the solution.

Perception of Manipulation

 You've all met that someone who always thinks someone else or everyone else is trying to "manipulate them"

I've worked with special needs children, adults, and aging senior. I've had the same bizzare conversation patterns with seniors suffering from dementia as young people, and I noticed the same memory issue.

1. You cannot remember what you don't perceive to begin with. Sometimes what we blame on memory is actually a lack of perception.

2. There are all sorts of aspects of memory.

I want to talk about episodic memory and feelings of manipulation, or being confused. 

Episodic memory is the circumstances of an event. Context of the event. Some people never remember the context because they don't perceive the context to begin with.

Some people can't remember 5 minutes ago, or can't understand what 5 minutes ago has to do with right now.

Two people walk into a Chinese restaurant. They see a fat Buddha statue.

The man says, "We should put that on our wedding invitation."

They sit down order food, and wait. The woman bluntly says, "So, when are you going to ask me to marry you?"

In shock, the man only remember, "So, when are you going to ask me to marry you?"  because he doesn't perceive what 5 minutes ago has to do with right now.

Cute. But a serious problem when you are 6 months pregnant and your husband doesn't have a clue why you are pregnant again and when the baby got there. Yeah, that's problematic.

Not a joke. 

They feel confused, and explain their confusion as some sort of manipulation by the other party. 

Always remember, their lack of memory, intelligence, or understanding, is not on you.

A perception of manipulation due to their own confusion can be very dangerous with someone in need of constant domination of others.

That being said, once you realize you are dealing with someone with a memory or perception deficiency, you learn how to communicate with them in such a way they can understand to prevent crises.