Short tempered dominating men think they dominate and that they are in Authoritative control.
Nope, everyone lies to them and controls their reality making them think that for their own survival.
Short tempered=Emotionally unfit
No one trusts them. Yeah, they are in charge, but everyone plays Bagdad Bob to appease them and keep them calm.
If you are the kind of person in a crisis where everyone else's first step in the crisis is to calm you down, you will not be included or informed of a crisis until the army is banging down your door.
Stop getting mad at everyone else trying to survive your ridiculous temper.
Learn to control your temper and realize everything is not about you. Stop making everything about you. The crisis is about the crisis. If you want to be an actually valued person, demonstrate your ability to see the problem for what it is and stand by helping people get through it. (not about you)
Instead of stomping in condemning, walk-in calmly and ask, "What is the problem and how do you want me to help?"
Stick to sane problem-solving. Have a little faith. I sometimes wonder if those who lose their temper just lack faith.
Some are just full grown toddlers who want their way. (next sentence deleted, retyped and deleted again)
We teach our newborns and toddlers how to handle a crisis. If we freak out to our babes, they learn to freak out every time something goes wrong. If we act all chill and work the problem, we teach our babes to chill and work the problem. THAT is where they learn to trust us. When our children see us handle problems methodically and respectfully, they are more willing to turn to us later to help them work out their problems methodically and respectfully. Guess what, they learn to be reasonable awesome adults!
Chill, Respect and Work the Problem
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Some People have to be told Right and Wrong
The Faith I subscribe to teaches that all individuals are given the Light of Christ, in which they know right from wrong. From that, I once believed that I should shut up my nature of telling people what basic right from wrong. I thought that I should suppress that and let them make their mistakes and learn for themselves.
Just today as the children played a silly game in Sunday School an 8-year-old boy tried to step up and physically correct a poor player, and I spoke out saying, "You must let them make their own mistake."
In many ways this is true. In many ways, this is not true. Learning the balance is the key.
I have a young friend born with no arms. She has a funny thumby nob on her shoulder. Will she be judged for not using her arms? Of course not.
Just as someone can be born without limbs or their limbs are eaten by a shark (She got tired of people asking what happened to her arms, and settled a shark story. I may or may not have and something to do with that.) Just as one can have no limbs, the part of the brain that manages personal accountability, empathy, understanding, love, bonding, you know all those things that make us a sometimes worthy species, that part of the brain can malfunction from prenatal damage, TBI's, drug damage, our countless other reasons.
These people may or may not care what others think. If they don't care what others think, you're outta luck, they are completely sadistic and "unmanageable" by any means.
If the part of the brain that cares what others think is active, you are in luck. You will recognize them because they never shut up about what Billy, Bob, or George thinks while you wondering why they care what Bill, Bob, or George thinks.
Anyway, there are different degrees of this disability. It may be someone feels empathy, but they are so emotionally illiterate they have no clue that they are actually feeling someone else's pain or suffering. They may lash out as though the pain they inflict is actually the pain they suffer. Can we train these people to recognize that they are actually feeling empathy, and if they stop hurting others, their own pain will stop?
Or maybe they don't feel others pain at all. Yuk.
We had a cat that grew painful furballs quickly. She would lash out and claw you as you walked by thinking you caused her suffering. That's when we put on the thick gloves and gave her a good trim.
I don't know, but like many, I've spent too many hours trying to figure out the varieties madness witnessed.
Some people, are missing their own, "Light of Christ" just as my friend is missing her arms. In order to fit in and be accepted by society, some pretend they do, but they are just confidently, assertively pretending they have random values of those they respect. If they have crappy friends and respect the wrong values, they may end up standing tall, confidently asserting some crappy values. With these people, it is essential that you speak out about right and wrong. Be the right friend. Stand up fearlessly and be heard. Don't let them intimidate you. Teach them that empathy and understanding are a good thing. Teach them how to understand people. Teach them to respect others instead of seeing them as "inferior" peeps to be commanded. Teach them that respect goes both ways. Don't expect a child to respect you if you don't respect them. They may bind themselves to churchgoers who teach them their version of right and wrong. Some churchgoers are good, and some churchgoers of the very same faith are awful.
It's so important to assert respectful kind values. Perhaps such a person should go back to kindergarten Sunday School.
Anyway, speak up for the basic stuff. Love your children. Don't threaten or intimidate to get what you want.
If you love them, speak up, 99% of my regrets are keeping my mouth shut assuming the other person knew more than they did or I was afraid of offending and I was waiting for a "nice" way to say it to come to me.
If someone lashes out at you for the abuse they commit, just say, "Time to trim your furballs". I hope you have good pair of gloves!
Just today as the children played a silly game in Sunday School an 8-year-old boy tried to step up and physically correct a poor player, and I spoke out saying, "You must let them make their own mistake."
In many ways this is true. In many ways, this is not true. Learning the balance is the key.
I have a young friend born with no arms. She has a funny thumby nob on her shoulder. Will she be judged for not using her arms? Of course not.
Just as someone can be born without limbs or their limbs are eaten by a shark (She got tired of people asking what happened to her arms, and settled a shark story. I may or may not have and something to do with that.) Just as one can have no limbs, the part of the brain that manages personal accountability, empathy, understanding, love, bonding, you know all those things that make us a sometimes worthy species, that part of the brain can malfunction from prenatal damage, TBI's, drug damage, our countless other reasons.
These people may or may not care what others think. If they don't care what others think, you're outta luck, they are completely sadistic and "unmanageable" by any means.
If the part of the brain that cares what others think is active, you are in luck. You will recognize them because they never shut up about what Billy, Bob, or George thinks while you wondering why they care what Bill, Bob, or George thinks.
Anyway, there are different degrees of this disability. It may be someone feels empathy, but they are so emotionally illiterate they have no clue that they are actually feeling someone else's pain or suffering. They may lash out as though the pain they inflict is actually the pain they suffer. Can we train these people to recognize that they are actually feeling empathy, and if they stop hurting others, their own pain will stop?
Or maybe they don't feel others pain at all. Yuk.
We had a cat that grew painful furballs quickly. She would lash out and claw you as you walked by thinking you caused her suffering. That's when we put on the thick gloves and gave her a good trim.
I don't know, but like many, I've spent too many hours trying to figure out the varieties madness witnessed.
Some people, are missing their own, "Light of Christ" just as my friend is missing her arms. In order to fit in and be accepted by society, some pretend they do, but they are just confidently, assertively pretending they have random values of those they respect. If they have crappy friends and respect the wrong values, they may end up standing tall, confidently asserting some crappy values. With these people, it is essential that you speak out about right and wrong. Be the right friend. Stand up fearlessly and be heard. Don't let them intimidate you. Teach them that empathy and understanding are a good thing. Teach them how to understand people. Teach them to respect others instead of seeing them as "inferior" peeps to be commanded. Teach them that respect goes both ways. Don't expect a child to respect you if you don't respect them. They may bind themselves to churchgoers who teach them their version of right and wrong. Some churchgoers are good, and some churchgoers of the very same faith are awful.
It's so important to assert respectful kind values. Perhaps such a person should go back to kindergarten Sunday School.
Anyway, speak up for the basic stuff. Love your children. Don't threaten or intimidate to get what you want.
If you love them, speak up, 99% of my regrets are keeping my mouth shut assuming the other person knew more than they did or I was afraid of offending and I was waiting for a "nice" way to say it to come to me.
If someone lashes out at you for the abuse they commit, just say, "Time to trim your furballs". I hope you have good pair of gloves!
Saturday, February 2, 2019
My Guilt was Swept Away
Having one's "guilt swept away", means that you no longer feel inner turmoil when your sins are spoken of. It means you care more about repairing the damage and making sure others don't commit the same abuses.
Peter's sins are openly spoken of in the Bible. There was no whitewashing.
Paul's sins are openly spoken of in the Bible. There was no whitewashing.
Whitewashing is not any part of the repentance process.
Just as a reformed gang member openly speaks of the fact they were a gang member, and campaigns to help others who would fall into the trap of gangs, so are others who reform.
If that reformed gang member were to persecute anyone who told the truth about them, then they are hiding their sins, not reforming and not repenting.
As long as someone is trying to hide and silence the past, there is no repentance.
Huge difference!
Peter's sins are openly spoken of in the Bible. There was no whitewashing.
Paul's sins are openly spoken of in the Bible. There was no whitewashing.
Whitewashing is not any part of the repentance process.
Just as a reformed gang member openly speaks of the fact they were a gang member, and campaigns to help others who would fall into the trap of gangs, so are others who reform.
If that reformed gang member were to persecute anyone who told the truth about them, then they are hiding their sins, not reforming and not repenting.
As long as someone is trying to hide and silence the past, there is no repentance.
Huge difference!
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