This is mind-boggling to me.
An abuser will intimidate, threaten, use rage, fear, and act like a complete psychopath to the victim. They work overtime to terrorize the victim. The abuser makes a compelling and convincing monstrous portrayal of themselves to the victim.
Then the abuser is on their best behavior with everyone else. The abuser spends all their time convincing the rest of the world how amazing they are.
So the Victim, thoroughly convinced the Abuser is a danger to themselves and their children, fights for custody to the death, with the intent to protect their child from the rager.
The Abuser's behavior is "Working Hard Not Smart". Of course, it's not logic driven, it's purely emotion ego driven. The behavior is driving by their need to dominate, not serve.
If the Abuser had half a brain, they'd realize that by raging out at the other parent, they are in fact putting them in a situation where the victim is morally bound to fight back to protect the children.
Then the Abuser complains to everyone and pays expensive attorneys to fight the very person they persuaded to fight them.
If you work hard to convince someone you are a monster, then don't complain when they fight to protect the children from you.
Maybe you should try convincing the other parent how amazing you are. I know it's a novel ideal. Try it.
When the Abuser is done raging, if they ever come to reason and intelligence in their lifetime, they should go to the person they abused and say, "Thank you for protecting the children from me. I was an idiot."
Monday, March 26, 2018
Unrighteous Dominion and Unrighteous Submission
Here in the Treasure Valley, we have a beautiful new LDS Temple. The LDS church made every effort to make it beautiful, wonderful, and took special care to make the women's wing absolutely perfect.
In one of the hallway's waiting rooms for initiatories, there is a bench sitting on each wall for Sisters. Big glorious beautiful paintings set above the benches. The bottom of the picture frames just above shoulder level. Thus, the sisters who sit on the benches must lean forward just right so as to not hit their heads. Each of us thinks and hopes that we will not be the one to knock the wonderful painting down. So the sisters sit politely, leaning forward and say nothing. It is absolutely absurd and painful to watch. Each time I've visited the temple, I've asked the ladies at the desk, to please request that the paintings be moved up just a foot.
You see, many Mormon women wrongly believe that they should be quiet and just say nothing. These are the same women who don't say, "You are hurting me." I was raised to be that kind of woman. It's so stupid. I know the people who run the temple do not want the women to be in that kind of discomfort, but the women just sit there.
The Church will not go forward until the Sisters of the Church realize their potential and speak up.
For heaven's sake, the Word of Wisdom came about because Emma spoke up and said she was sick n tired of cleaning up after the tobacco spitting men!
The LDS Church has a plague of men who exercise Unrighteous Dominion. That will not end until the Women quit it with their Unrighteous Submission. When a woman goes along with whatever because she believes that's "righteous" she contributes to the corruption of her over dominating husband.
The church has thousands of single mothers with terrible stories of abusive men. We as women need to realize how we are contributing to the problem.
The LDS Church is working very hard to change these dynamics. The first thing we Sisters can do to make that change happen is just asking for the paintings to be raised up a foot. That's it!
You can't have Unrighteous Dominion without Unrighteous Submission!
In one of the hallway's waiting rooms for initiatories, there is a bench sitting on each wall for Sisters. Big glorious beautiful paintings set above the benches. The bottom of the picture frames just above shoulder level. Thus, the sisters who sit on the benches must lean forward just right so as to not hit their heads. Each of us thinks and hopes that we will not be the one to knock the wonderful painting down. So the sisters sit politely, leaning forward and say nothing. It is absolutely absurd and painful to watch. Each time I've visited the temple, I've asked the ladies at the desk, to please request that the paintings be moved up just a foot.
You see, many Mormon women wrongly believe that they should be quiet and just say nothing. These are the same women who don't say, "You are hurting me." I was raised to be that kind of woman. It's so stupid. I know the people who run the temple do not want the women to be in that kind of discomfort, but the women just sit there.
The Church will not go forward until the Sisters of the Church realize their potential and speak up.
For heaven's sake, the Word of Wisdom came about because Emma spoke up and said she was sick n tired of cleaning up after the tobacco spitting men!
The LDS Church has a plague of men who exercise Unrighteous Dominion. That will not end until the Women quit it with their Unrighteous Submission. When a woman goes along with whatever because she believes that's "righteous" she contributes to the corruption of her over dominating husband.
The church has thousands of single mothers with terrible stories of abusive men. We as women need to realize how we are contributing to the problem.
The LDS Church is working very hard to change these dynamics. The first thing we Sisters can do to make that change happen is just asking for the paintings to be raised up a foot. That's it!
You can't have Unrighteous Dominion without Unrighteous Submission!
Who I write to
This blog is written for three kinds of people
The First kind of person, is the individual receiving abuse. I know how frightening and confusing psychological and emotional abuse can be. Not to mention that it leads to physical abuse. I want you to know that you are not crazy. Well, you're probably crazy by now, but that's going to be alright. I want you to know that you can get through this and that you are not alone.
The Second is the family members and confused loved ones, the outsiders looking in. You need to understand your sister/brother being abused is doing absolutely nothing to deserve it. Abusers abuse because they can. The abuser's compass is broken. Abusers retaliate when they should apologize. They retaliate when they should say thank you. Reality is upside down for them. They have no respect for civil discourse, compassion, and understanding. Abusers work full time to persuade their victims that they are psychotic, illogical raging monsters, all while convincing the rest of the world that they themselves are sane and reasonable. The victims are usually the only ones who get to see the illogical raging monster.
The Third is the abusers themselves. They need to see and understand what they are doing wrong, and their personal impact on the lives of their loved ones and their children. They need to repent and change. That repentance includes going to the individual they abused and take ownership of their actions. They need to apologize and quit making excuses for their behavior. The sooner they do this the sooner they can build a good life, instead of threatening and intimidating the victim into silence. Every article I've ever written, I've hoped and prayed that an abuser would read it and finally realize the damage they've done in the lives of those who loved them. I've prayed that they would repent and seek to heal those they have hurt. That's all any abuse victim wants.
I personally never got to see the one who abused me repent. I prayed and prayed, wept many nights, and hoped for all our sakes. There is nothing more in life I could have ever wanted for me and my children and our little family. But it never happened. As long as someone is still living, they can repent. There has been so much hurt, abuse and damage that continues on. I know I did everything I could through the years. I know that through the repentance process families can be healed. I personally know the devastation that happens in the lives of children. If I personally had to go to jail to help that person repent, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Last month I worked on a voter registration project. I met many repentant "felons" who thought they could never vote again. It was beautiful to see the expression on their faces as I told them they could vote, and that their views were recognized. Seeing so many on the other side of the repentance and change process was beautiful. It's heartbreaking watching those held back because they refuse to do what has to be done to clean their life up. So many pretend, and lie, and try to go forward. But they can't. Such people never get to enjoy the real blessings of true repentance.
So, if you are the abuser reading this, please, just repent. Realize what you've done is wrong. Change. Go to the one you've hurt and confess. Stop blaming them for your actions and your choices. Whatever went through your head to convince yourself the abuse was valid, was in your head and had nothing to do with reality. No one can control you. No one has ever been able to control you. Go through all the steps of repentance. Work to repair the damage you've done in your family's lives. Go to your children. As them to forgive you. If your children have problems, well you probably caused them anyway so you can't judge them. Don't expect instant gratification in the repentance process. These things take time. Whatever years and energy you spent as a bastard to them, if you are really repentant, and it's real, you should be willing to put the same amount of emotional time and effort to repair.
So those are the three kinds of people this blog is for.
The First kind of person, is the individual receiving abuse. I know how frightening and confusing psychological and emotional abuse can be. Not to mention that it leads to physical abuse. I want you to know that you are not crazy. Well, you're probably crazy by now, but that's going to be alright. I want you to know that you can get through this and that you are not alone.
The Second is the family members and confused loved ones, the outsiders looking in. You need to understand your sister/brother being abused is doing absolutely nothing to deserve it. Abusers abuse because they can. The abuser's compass is broken. Abusers retaliate when they should apologize. They retaliate when they should say thank you. Reality is upside down for them. They have no respect for civil discourse, compassion, and understanding. Abusers work full time to persuade their victims that they are psychotic, illogical raging monsters, all while convincing the rest of the world that they themselves are sane and reasonable. The victims are usually the only ones who get to see the illogical raging monster.
The Third is the abusers themselves. They need to see and understand what they are doing wrong, and their personal impact on the lives of their loved ones and their children. They need to repent and change. That repentance includes going to the individual they abused and take ownership of their actions. They need to apologize and quit making excuses for their behavior. The sooner they do this the sooner they can build a good life, instead of threatening and intimidating the victim into silence. Every article I've ever written, I've hoped and prayed that an abuser would read it and finally realize the damage they've done in the lives of those who loved them. I've prayed that they would repent and seek to heal those they have hurt. That's all any abuse victim wants.
I personally never got to see the one who abused me repent. I prayed and prayed, wept many nights, and hoped for all our sakes. There is nothing more in life I could have ever wanted for me and my children and our little family. But it never happened. As long as someone is still living, they can repent. There has been so much hurt, abuse and damage that continues on. I know I did everything I could through the years. I know that through the repentance process families can be healed. I personally know the devastation that happens in the lives of children. If I personally had to go to jail to help that person repent, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Last month I worked on a voter registration project. I met many repentant "felons" who thought they could never vote again. It was beautiful to see the expression on their faces as I told them they could vote, and that their views were recognized. Seeing so many on the other side of the repentance and change process was beautiful. It's heartbreaking watching those held back because they refuse to do what has to be done to clean their life up. So many pretend, and lie, and try to go forward. But they can't. Such people never get to enjoy the real blessings of true repentance.
So, if you are the abuser reading this, please, just repent. Realize what you've done is wrong. Change. Go to the one you've hurt and confess. Stop blaming them for your actions and your choices. Whatever went through your head to convince yourself the abuse was valid, was in your head and had nothing to do with reality. No one can control you. No one has ever been able to control you. Go through all the steps of repentance. Work to repair the damage you've done in your family's lives. Go to your children. As them to forgive you. If your children have problems, well you probably caused them anyway so you can't judge them. Don't expect instant gratification in the repentance process. These things take time. Whatever years and energy you spent as a bastard to them, if you are really repentant, and it's real, you should be willing to put the same amount of emotional time and effort to repair.
So those are the three kinds of people this blog is for.
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