You have an excuse for Everything!

 "You have an excuse/answer for everything!" It is a broad blanket fallacy to discount relevant facts for making a decision and making a wise choice. It's usually used by someone who's already passed ignorant judgment and is unwilling to consider the fact they are wrong.

This statement is used by those who do not want to know the truth but want to continue with ignorant assumptions.

Don't let abusers use this on you to discount your knowledge.

Healthy Adult Child Parent Relations

For those of you who had a difficult Christmas due to challenging relations from adult child/parent relations, I'd like to share a thought. When each of us comes into adulthood there is an emotional event on the part of the Adult Child. A part of coming into adulthood is looking back at one's past and childhood, and deciding what kind of adult, or parent one wants to be. This event could happen anytime, at 21, after their first child is born, anytime and sometimes never. The adult child has to work through their memories, for good or for evil. They may be upset over their memories and have to work through them. How the Parent of the Adult Child responds to this defines their ongoing relationship and even if there will be a continued relationship with them. This is not the time for the Parent to circle the wagons and become defensive, arrogant, dismissive, condemning or otherwise. This process is a HEALTHY of emerging adulthood. If you try to crush it to protect your ego or reputation you can just say goodbye now to any healthy relations. Get over yourself, and guide them through it with respect. Don't blame, don't declare "false memories", no excuses, just respect the memories of the adult child and how they experienced life. I've personally been on both ends of this event. I don't know which end was harder. Supportive, respectful parents are the key. If you do not respect your adult child, they will lose any and all respect they ever had for you.

To Blog or Not to Blog

Writing and blogging saved my life. Thirty years ago, one week before my birthday, my grandmother wrote her last note, desperately trying to make a point to someone who had no respect for her. She completed the note, set it on the nightstand, took pills, and went to her eternal sleep. The man she wrote the note to, concluded that her decision to take her final rest validated his invalidation of her. Years ago, on a very bad day, after that same man sought to invalidate me, I reminded myself that I could not allow others to invalidate me that way. I would make a stand, I would write not just a note, but all of it. I would put it where no one could remove it, and make backups. And then, even more important, I would choose to live. There are many wonderful things about writing. When we write, we get to complete our sentences, we get to even present multiple premises to our conclusions. We get to complete our thoughts. We get to include every seemingly random detail we personally believe is relevant. We put them out there, and those who want to listen, or read can, and those who don't well they can just go to hell. For me, writing brings a far greater understanding. When I speak, even my best of friends that love me, and respect me, interrupt me. That's just the way it is. But writing, you can just put it all out there. I will never leave a note on a nightstand to be discarded, and I will live a very long time to stand and fight for what I believe is right.

The desire for Empathy and Respect

Years ago a friend of mine, a young mother was called into the elementary principal's office due to her daughter's terrifying behavior. The principal explained to the mother how her daughter outlined in graphic detail the suffering she wanted another child to go through. It included being cut and such. As the mother listened, she realized that the graphic description was simply the step by step of the medical procedure her daughter just had. Just last week that child had her 27th surgery. The mom realized, that her daughter desperately wanted the other child to know, feel and understand how she felt, what she had to deal with. The desire to be understood is intense. We can gain understanding by going through what others go through, or just learning about it, or just accepting that their experience is valid and know that many others go through great trials, and respecting all others as such. Those who want to be understood, who want others to learn the lessons of their own lives, can do one of many things. 1. They can wish their own adversities on others, so they can learn. However, they may not learn the same lesson in the same experience. 2. They can Share their adversities and lessons learned. 3. They can accept that others do not know and will never understand. #3 runs the possibility that those who do not know, nor do not want to know to empathize, may end up suffering the same, but not always, thus one may prefer #2 to keep others off the path. The more intense the adversity, the more likely we don't want others to experience the same. 4. There are other ways to deter others from experiencing our own adversities, such as sharing the core principles to live by that deter them from these adversities. Some adversities are okay for others to face, others, others you never want others to face. Some people are not capable of understanding, nor do they desire to understand. One woman used to always say, "I just don't understand why you/he/she did (whatever)." as though her own lack of understanding invalidated the lives of others. We cannot make others understand. I think it was Ron Howard who said, "Without empathy, there can be no human understanding." That really hit me. Those who do not desire to understand never will understand. Many feel that others' inability to understand them, invalidates them as a human being. Others not understanding them makes them nothing. Many live lives of invalidation and hopelessness. You cannot make others have "empathy". Empathy is a skill that others may choose or not choose to have. It's important to understand that others cannot invalidate us and our experiences. But empathy, understanding is intrinsically tied to respect. And Respect is tied to Love. Respect and Love fill us to empower us to overcome all and move forward. many must learn to accept solely the Respect of their Creator, and their self-respect.