Is Chastity Outdated?

One thing I've noticed about a key difference about the culture of adultery vs the culture of fidelity is this:
Those from a culture of fidelity see faithfulness and chastity as a part of their character.  They have personal power and act on the world around them.
Those from a culture of adultery see faithfulness and chastity as a part of circumstances.  It happens to them.

I was raised in an environment of absolute chastity and fidelity.  I was over twenty, yes probably oblivious to reality.  But I was over twenty before I knowingly met an unfaithful adult.  Yes it turns out my high school seminary teacher had been cheating on his wife for years, but I didn't know that so...

Today's world teaches that chastity and fidelity is outdated, part of a fairy tale past that never really existed.  All those heroes we once look up to were "in truth"  promiscuous.  Today's world teaches abstinence until marriage is "too high" an expectation to expect.

Today's world teaches who cares if politicians, athletes, movie stars are unfaithful?  The term "role model" seems outdated. 

For me, this world view is hard to understand.   Chastity and fidelity seemed so easy.  And yet I feel ashamed in today's world to say, I waited until marriage, and was faithful to my husband.  And after my husband left, I waited again, until I was married again.

Why have I found Chastity easy?  Why does the world find it so hard.  I don't think it's from brute moral strength, but because I was taught how to be faithful.

Yes I am LDS, a Mormon.  As Mormons we are expected to wait until we are married, remain faithful for a lifetime, and beyond.    But the LDS Church doesn't just say, "Be faithful or you are damned."  It's more, "be faithful and you will be blessed and bless the lives of others."  We actually have a system in place, a system that makes chastity work.

What is the LDS plan?

We'll first understand this.  The world is filled with amazing people, attractive, fun, understanding, people who give you a warm fuzzy feeling.  Life is full of challenges to be overcome.  As you overcome them, not just by brute moral strength, but by sensible moral strategy.  You will always meet people you may want to become closer to.  If unchecked, relationships with these people can grow, and with the wrong person, become inappropriate.

The structure the LDS Church guidelines teach early in life, provides the discipline needed to keep relationships in their proper place for a life time.

LDS teens are taught to wait until they are 16 years old to begin dating.  Yikes that sound hard.  So many wonderful people to grow closer to, why wait?  By the time one turns 16, hopefully they've met plenty of wonderful prospects.  But the whole time, teens are expected to hold back on those relationships.  The character of meeting someone as a teen who makes your heart beat a little extra, but putting them off, is the same character you need as a married adult, meeting someone a little too close to your taste, and choosing to immediately turn away, and intentionally choosing not to build that relationship that will compete with your spouse.

Not to mention that teens go through such an extreme range of strong emotions, and are very good at hurting each other.

And once you turn 16 is it time to dive in?  Not really, what's taught and what's practiced varies.  Taught:  you can date when you turn 16, but don't pair off.  Double date.  Date different people and don't go steady.
Practiced:  some kids actually follow this council, others go steady, others go too steady in get into trouble.

Before missions or marriage, each individual makes covenants in the Temple to God.  Each individual covenants to obey the Law of Chastity. The law of chastity becomes a basic part of the individuals relationship with God.  God makes promises in compliment of treating our power of creating with respect. 

Then when a young man turns 19, instead of enjoying the College Frat, no the young man is sent on a Mission and expected to abstain from all female relations for two whole years.  They can write to that girlfriend back home.  Talk about discipline.   Young men  learn during those challenging two years, another level of self control.

When a young woman turns 21 she can choose to serve a 18 month mission too with the same expectations.

Then, while in college,  you can date again.  Then you wait until marriage.  Marriages in the Temple are considered Eternal.  The children we bring into the world will be with us for eternity.  If either party is unfaithful, that party will be cut off from God and that eternal family.  The remaining faithful spouse can find another to marry. For the remaining spouse, the eternal relationship with their children remains intact.

Many college age couple struggle to keep this commitment until marriage, but many make it.  Its one of the reasons LDS engagements tend to be shorter.

My first husband and I struggled before we married until I went on the pill.  Once I was on the pill I felt like a drone and had no pheromones.   That made chastity easier, but was too boring after marriage.  We did make it to marriage.

Well that's the structure given to LDS youth for and how to accomplish it chastity, but the church also teaches the whole "why" thing.

Okay, according to LDS beliefs, we are all literal Children of God.  We come from the presence of God when we are born.  God established the family structure to protect his children and provide the best possible future for them.  

Yes, unfortunately those families when abusive can be more dangerous for the child.  But, the family was intended to safeguard the Children of God.  Each child with an infinite potential of intelligence and power for good or evil.

Before a child is brought into this world, we are expected to establish a loving strong family to protect them.  Destroy the family, destroy the child. 

Breaking the law of chastity is considered second only to murder.  Murder meaning ending the life of another, unprepared, and unfulfilled in this life.  Adultery being it's complement, toying with the beginning of life and creation, without preparing a strong family with eternal commitments for that life.

Marriage is not about finding someone who will indulge all your wants and lusts, but a deep commitment to God and each other and your future children.

I cried and my heart ached so hard I felt it was crushing in before my last child was born, knowing my husband was committed to leaving after her birth.  Knowing she would never see her parents teach her love by example to each other.  Knowing she would not have those protections.

After she was born, he kept his commitment to leave.  He mocked every part of our marriage, as I desperately tried to save it.  To  me, saving our marriage meant saving our children.  I've since learned otherwise.  He made fun of me and my fidelity declaring to me that the reason it was easy for me to be faithful was because I was to isolated.  Circumstance only.

I firmly believe that Chastity under covenant gives our prayers a certain power.  After he left, the divorce took over two years.  I was living with the children in Idaho.  By the teachings of the LDS church, when you are married, you are married, separation or not.  So I refused to date or allow any possible relationships, much like a missionary.  I knew that my commitment was to God, and provided a sacred protection to my eternal relationship to my children. As the divorce was dragged on by paperwork.  Eventually I had a protection order and a no contact order protecting me from him.  So I didn't see my husband for two years.   After over a year, my handsome, caring next door neighbor offered to comfort me.  He tried to be nice to me, but in my loneliness he seemed to me my darkest threat.  I'd lost everything but my eternal relationship to my children and my relationship to God.  I couldn't give up all I had left.  Finally one day as I drove home, and saw my neighbor's  truck parked next door I complained to God.

"I've been faithful all my life.  I've done all that I have been asked.  I was faithful too the extreme to my husband and he has shown me nothing but cruelty.  I've always avoided anything that could lead to unfaithfulness.  You are the one who brought me here to Idaho.   Idaho protected me as you promised.  He has been a kind neighbor, but I can't take it any more.  Next time he asked for a hug, I'm not strong enough to say no.   You promised to remove temptation when we ask.  I don't know what you are going to do with my neighbor, but take him away. I can't do it any more.  My husband won't change and he's not letting me go either, he shops while holding me hostage knowing I would never be unfaithful."


A week later, my kind neighbor came over to announce the shocking news.  He was being sent to Iraq for over a year.  You have no idea how relieved I was.  I just had to make it until he left.  Glory to God.  When the Sunday school teacher at church asks us about answered prayers, mine just seem a little too out there to mention.  Thankfully my neighbor survived Iraq.

So I passed the test he said I could never pass.  Hey, where is my medal?  Oh it's my kids and my relationship to God.

One thing I know is my prayers are frequently answered boldly.  I believe that my choice to keep the covenant I made to God is key to that. 

Chasity is not about just circumstance.

Adultery can also be used as blackmail, it's a terrible form of abuse.  Some men threaten their wives with adultery unless they meet all their demands.  This is a cruel demeaning way to live.  Many who are unfaithful blame the spouse for their own actions. I know this too well.

When you chose to live the Law of Chastity and keep that covenant to God, God is bound.  God makes promises too, and he keeps them.  "I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say, When you do not what I say, ye have no promise."

While the world mocks Chasity as outdated and unrealistic, when taught from the beginning, it's not so hard.   Yes some circumstances can make it more difficult, but the faithful manage their circumstances, and ask God for help when necessary.   God does answer prayers, especially when you're trying to do what he's asked to begin with.

If you were never taught about the power of Chastity, you can begin now.  Don't ask me about the transition, I don't know.  I was taught from the beginning.  I know God prepares a way for everyone to change through the repentance process.