Thursday, March 29, 2012

Good vs Power

Ever heard of Myanmar? You may know it as Burma.

Well in 2008 a huge Cyclone hit it.  The cyclone killed an estimated 138,000 people.

But it wasn't just the cyclone that killed ALL those people.

The country of Myanmar was ruled by a power hungry military.  People who obsess over power measure everything, every word, every action, and every event in terms of power.

Every situation either gives them more power, or takes it away.

After the cyclone hit, the rest of the world saw endless videos of dead bodies in trees, families destroyed, and villages swept to the sea in Myanmar.

As it is a poor country, the rest of the world swept into action.   The love and mercy of the world tried to step in and save what was left.

But the Myanmar government saw the even as a potential to lose power, not an event to serve.

Because they viewed the world in the eyes of power, the rulers of Myanmar kept out international aid. They would rather watch their citizens continue to suffer and die than lose power and allow aid in.

In the meantime great relief ships from around the world, sat at bay for days, unable to help, all because the leaders could only think in terms of power.

For days, the world sat and watched helplessly.

When the generals finally gave in, and let the aid in, they made stickers with their own names, and placed them over the international agencies names when distributing.

While some of us look at every event in terms of serving others, and helping, and just plain doing good, we can be hindered by self absorbed power hungry souls who would rather see those they are supposed to care about suffer, rather than aid.

Dealing with those in any level of power, who see everything in terms of power and control, and trying to do good while dealing with them, is a pain.

Some people just want to see good things happen. Some people just want power.

Those who are motivated by the quest for power, do not and cannot comprehend those with intentions of merely doing good and doing what is right.

What Really Provokes You?

Anger and Hate are two emotions I was raised to see as ungodly, unchristlike, almost forbidden.

I always saw those who exhibited them as emotionally weak and ignorant.

But what provokes me?

As an adult, there are many things that I will feel personal hurt or pain for.  Most anyone can slight me, or whatever, I may feel hurt or upset, or confused, but...

But the only thing that ever provokes me to what I would call anger, or even the forbidden hate, is when someone hurts my children.  Oh, I don't mean bumps or bruises or even a broken arm.

I mean when my child is confused, emotionally overcome, trying and struggling, and someone kicks them when they are down.

Thinks like that.

Most parents try so hard to help their children through so much.  We try to protect them and help them understand themselves and the world around them.

To see your child come to a point where they are hurting and reaching out for help, and then to see someone kick them or do anything to make their adversity worse.

I am far more inclined to stand up to protect and defend my child, than to do so for myself.

The moments I regret the most are the moments I let my children down.

Most mothers are this way.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Bouncing Head

I can't tell a recent story, but I can tell an old story.  To old.

I will skip to the main point, the story is long and interesting.  Eventually I will tell most of it, but for now I will tell part.

During the divorce, my children's great grandmother died.  His grandmother....   Out of respect for his absolute power, I had no intentions of going.

Even in the divorce I struggled to stand up to him.   Not following his every whim as I had for years, was like keeping my hand on a burner. 

Well the night before the funeral I happened to speak to a new friend,  who's mother attended "the funeral" in the same circumstances.  She told me how proud she was of her mother.

Out of the blue I had the sudden feeling that I had to go.   Little did I know it was the main reason I was to be in Idaho.  (good detailed story omitted for times sake)

I realized that it was wrong to obey his every whim.

I was terrified but I did it.  Choosing to do something that I believed was right, was an important step in truly "divorcing" him.

After I went, I was glad, his family was kind to me and several members said they were glad I was there.

He was angry when he saw me there.  He came out of the funeral and screamed at me because I came.  I just said, "It's not your decision.'

I think that was the big part.  It was important for me to learn to make my own decisions that I believed were right and not continue to follow him as my "husband".

Later that night, when I was alone at my home, he came to the home to pick up our youngest child.

In the doorway, he screamed at me for  a while, and I just said, "It's not your decision."

He bounced my head off the wall in the doorway.  I don't remember if my baby was in my arms or his at the time. (funny how your brain has a hard time recording events when its sloshing in your noggin.)

The neighbors called the police, despite the fact I told them to call the Relief Society President instead.  Yes funny story, sick funny brain I had at the time.

But the point was, I defied his absolute power and he bounced my head off the wall. 

I will tell the whole story, but for now, I have to get going to take care of other responsibilities I have right now.  Anyway, one of my thoughts for the night.

Redirecting Anger

Redirecting anger is an amazing talent the spouses of abusers develop.

If an abuser is angry, they are angry.  It rarely has anything to do with you.  Well, sometimes it does, if you violate their absolute power in the slightest way, it will anger them.  But sometimes doing what's right requires not following their dictates.

Anyway, most partners learn quickly to redirect and appease the anger of an abuser.  They may initiate sex with them.  They may give them a massage to calm their nerves.

If the children are the target, the spouse may immediately direct the anger of the abuser away to themselves to protect the children.

Most teenage boys, by the time they are 14 have intervened with the father and had a physical altercation to protect their mother, and "redirected" the anger back to themselves.

A step parent or new partner, faced with the abusers anger in the presence of the abusers children, as the children are not her/his own, may redirect the abusers anger to the abusers children in their own attempt to emotionally survive.

Well, some step parents, not all or most.  But some do.

Yes that is a particularly frightening thought.

Obedience


Obedience is essential for human societies to survive.  Obedience makes it possible for the 7 billions humans living on this earth to work together without completely wiping each other out.

A certain level of obedience is what makes our country so mighty.

With Obedience, comes Power, the power of the one being obeyed.

While it is important to learn obedience, it is also important to learn when not to obey.  

If we are asked to do something that violates basic principles of right and wrong, we are not required to obey.

In World War II the world learned the awful human tragedy that follows absolute obedience to that which is wrong in Germany.

It’s hard for those of us who were raised in a atmosphere of strict obedience to learn when to disobey, and to find the strength to stand up to someone you’ve always obeyed, because you realize that they are not asking that which is right.

It takes super human inner strength.

The hard part is learning when to obey, and when not to.  We have to learn right and wrong for ourselves as much as possible.

Sometimes Obedience is essential for survival.

Sometimes, you have two masters and you have to choose between them.   Sometimes, you have to choose the more righteous path.

Neil Kressel wrote some insightful essays on the subject in the book, "Mass Hate:  The global rise of Genocide and Terror."    Yes the title is awful, and the subject matter is painful.  But it's better to read of the awful and painful that to have to live it for ignorance.   If you have the stomach, I recommend it, otherwise, just smile and nod.