What happens when LDS Priesthood Holders Abuse?

God protects his Daughters and his Priesthood from those who would abuse it. Because the Priesthood of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is real and valid,  I believe God curses those LDS priesthood holders who play advocate for God, while abusing the members and sisters.

I have always felt intense faith in My Lord and Savior.  One of my earliest memories was a prayer, and an answer and feeling the Love of God.   Most the people in my life, are people of strong various faiths, yet share a desire to live their lives honorably in a way to please God. I have always sought to live my life by those guidelines.

I am accustomed to having many of my prayers answered forcefully in the Lords due time.  Sometimes it is longer than I prefer.

On one occasion I had endured so much cruelty, and felt powerless to protect myself.   Mathew had frequently sent me threats, even while he traveled in China, he tried to make sure I would fear him no matter where or how far away he was.

After enduring so much over the years, in my anger and frustration, I had a metal bat.  I kept one in my room and in the living room.  One day, I stared at that bat wanting to beat the hell out of Mathew.   But I knew I couldn't, and if I beat the hell out of him, well, he was stronger and there is this thing called the Law.  I thought, maybe if I could use the force to use the bat?   I tried, but the bat didn't move a millimeter.  Dang it.

So I went to the Lord, I reminded the Lord of all the Lord had done for me.  I reminded the Lord of all Mathew had done to me, and I asked first, "Please beat the hell out of him with a metal bat.  It has to be a metal bat because that would really make me feel good."

Then I remembered  that's not how it works.   "Let me rephrase that Lord.  Mathew is cruel, unkind, and unjust,  he tries to keep me in a state of fear, after he covenanted to protect me.  I know I am not the only one he has offended.   I know you have been protecting him from his own stupid mistakes with others.  I know there are others angry with him like me.   Please deliver him into the hands of his enemies, and make sure they are armed with metal bats.   It has to be metal bats.  Please stop protecting him.   Let him know that you are no longer protecting him.  He is teaching his children that a man can abuse his wife, and continue to threaten her, and live happily ever after. You know I am innocent of all he accuses me of."

Well, the following story is hearsay so the details may be off.   Afterward, as he was walking down an alley in China (who knows what country)  a gang of six men with metal bats attacked him, and beat the hell out of him.  His bruises lasted long enough that when returned to the United States, and he dropped of the children on his next visitation, the intermediary called me to say how scary he looked.

Just as Mathew could threaten me even from China, God is the God of the whole earth.  Where the men in my life have failed to protect me, God will not.  God does not like it when men intimate and bully his daughters.

Since then, many times when I've become angry, I've just remembered the metal Bats of China, and that when justice of men fail here, God will not fail.   And since it was in China, my hands are clean.  The memory of the metal bats gives me faith and Patience in God, and has gotten me through many upsetting periods.

Bible stories are real to me.  Realistic too.   I was taught to apply the scriptures to my own life. 

Many women have clergy, Bishops, Priests, Pastors who abuse their position.  I’ve heard stories from Mormon women who’ve left the church because some LDS Bishop or other church leader made choices that were counter to what God would have them do.

These are the acts of Men, not God, and have no reflection of the Lord's Gospel.  Always remember, even the Apostle of the Lord, Judas, betrayed.   Christ was still Christ, and his Church is still his Church.

First let me clarify, I believe in the Gospel as taught by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I believe Thomas S Monson is a true Prophet of God called to help us in these difficult times.  I am grateful that my local church leaders, men who work without pay and take care of their own families and hold regular jobs, these men who have been called as my Bishops and Stake Presidents, have stayed true to the charge they were given.

In the LDS Church, all worthy men are given the Priesthood.  I see this priesthood as real, and true.   I’ve seen good men use this Priesthood to serve others faithfully.  I’ve seen many wonderful things.

I’ve also seen the consequences when men pretend to worthy of that priesthood.

Seeing what happens to men who falsely claim to be worthy of the Priesthood, performing sacred ordinances, and entering into the Temple to serve, have only solidified my belief in the Gospel as taught by the LDS Church.

First, the Biblical example; Eli, his sons, and Ichabod.

Eli was a faithful Prophet serving in the Temple in Israel.  Eli allowed his sons who were unfaithful to enter and serve in the temple.  The people came to Eli, and complained to him of how his sons mistreated them in the temple.  Eli did not step up.  He ignored the cries of the abused, and allowed his sons to continue in the temple.  The child Samuel who served in the temple came to Eli, told him of the vision he had from God, and how Eli and his sons would be destroyed for this.  (The short version.)

Shortly afterward, the Israelites were losing a battle.  The Sons of Eli, while unworthy, went to the temple and bore the Arc of the Covenant into battle.  The Israelites were defeated, and their precious Arc of the Covenant was taken by there enemies.  Eli’s sons were slain in Battle.  When Eli heard of it, he died dramatically.  When his daughter in law heard her husband and in-laws were dead, while she was in childbirth, she named the child Ichabod. "The Gory is departed from Israel."

Bishops should not ignore the cries of abused Daughters of God and allow unrighteous, cruel and brutal, unrepentant men to perform priesthood ordinances, and serve in the temple.  Because our loving God hears their cries.

Bishops are limited in their authority.   They do not have the power, nor do they desire to perform complete CSI investigations into people who come for interviews with the Bishop.  The Bishop is effectively the gatekeeper of the temple, and the priesthood.  They interview and determine one’s eligibility for the priesthood, and temple entrance.   One leader told me, a man came in, he had the worst feeling and inside he knew the truth, but the man claimed to be worthy, and the leader had no evidence, and the leader had to turn it over to God, and allow the man what he sought.

There is a difference between when a the Church leader has a feeling, and when the church leader has been told by those who know that a man is a rapist, and ignore it because the man seems nice enough and is persuasive enough.  Can you say Ichabod?

I try to limit my interaction with the man who raped me.  But, circumstances as they are, and due to responsibility I have, I have no choice at times.  He can be nasty and cruel in the simplest of required interactions. I have gone to my leaders and testified to them.  But they are not his leaders and have no authority over him.  All they can do is pass it on, and let his LDS leaders choose.  His Priesthood Leaders have never responded to any accounts.

It’s been explained to me that when an unworthy man performs a priesthood ordinance, the ordinance is still valid, but God holds the man accountable.   It is my witness that this is true.

I’ve been told by Mathew Fleming the man who raped me, that my opinion, feelings, and soul are worthless.  That my thoughts ignorant.  I have been degraded countless times and that it doesn’t matter that I was raped.

But I know that God cares because God proved it though that very same man. 

A sacred ordinance was performed by that man who degrades me for sport. During it, I could not prevent the event, and I was required to attend.  During the ordinance I reminded the Lord of the awful cruelty of the man, and asked the Lord to hold the rapist accountable for the example he set.  As I hold the Priesthood sacred, and knowing that God does not like to be mocked, I reminded the Lord, “He’s mocking you.” was said more than a few times in my silent prayer. Outwardly I barely kept my composure.

As he man spoke the words of the freely worded ordinance, I was stunned and felt peace in the Justice of God.  In his own words he chose for the ordinance, he pronounced what I knew would be own curse.  The curse he unwittingly brought upon himself, promptly followed.  Two months later he asked me confused, “How did this happen?”

I did not answer that question. But it happened because the Priesthood is real, and God protects it from those who mock him with it.  The curse he brought upon himself by pretending to be worthy of the Priesthood lasted over one year. God will not be mocked.

I don’t think God likes it, when a man degrade his daughters then attempt to represent God the Father.

I knew then, again, that God is real.  That God loves us and does not like to be mocked.  And despite all Mathew says, what he did to me was real, and was wrong.  God does care about the cruelties given to me, and others.  I feel that God was protecting his Holy Priesthood.

The temple is a sacred place to me.   As I’ve tried to limit interaction with the man who raped me as much as possible, the temple has been a great sanctuary, blessing me.  It’s been one place I could go I believed he dared not go without repenting.

Unknown to me, there was  a temple ordinance he sought, that required his Bishop contacting me and my Bishop first.   Mathew's bishop never contacted me as he was required.  Months after I was told through the grapevine.  

After learning this, I tried to return to the temple, but as I entered the celestial room it tore me up.  Fear that in that one sacred place, I was not safe from the rapist even in the most Holy and Sacred places.  The one place God would want his daughters to feel safe and his love was no longer so.  It was devastating. 

I entered the temple three separate times afterward.  Each time, the thought of entering that sacred safe room, knowing the man who raped could be there, devastated me, and it was no longer a sacred holy place.  I could not feel the love and safety of God in the Holiest of places because of the boldness of the rapist.

You cannot stand in Holy Places if you do not keep your Holy Places Holy.

Confused, I went to the Lord in Prayer, in my own room.  “Shut it down.  Please God, Shut it down.  Shut it down. I’m can't feel safe in there, clean it up, and rededicate this Temple.”  I asked over and over again in tearful prayer.

A few months laterit was announced that our temple would in fact be shut down, gutted and rededicated, that we did not know how long and that it would be rededicated.

The temple is even now shut down, and being cleaned out.  It will be rededicated. 

Bishops, if you don’t want the sisters of the church begging the Lord to shut down temples, stop ignoring cries of the abused.  Spousal rape is real and a violation of the most sacred and holy covenants.  The Power of the Priesthood is intended to protect and heal in God's holy name, not rape and destroy.

Every Sunday the Young Women of the Church Recite, “We are Daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love him.”  God does love his Daughters fiercely.

So many times I was torn down, those words would come to my mind.  So many times God has reminded me that I am of worth.  That my thoughts count. My efforts count.  My soul is of worth That I am valued no matter what others say.

Watching God protect His priesthood in the LDS Church strengthens my faith that it is the True Priesthood of God, despite the failings of men.

Mathew can invalidate me to anyone else, but not to God.

My calling as a Mother is sacred and I deserve to be treated with respect.

Holy places must be kept Holy for all his Daughters, or God Himself will take them away.

It is my witness that all these things are true, In the Name of Jesus Christ my ultimate Savior and Protector,

Natalie Marie Pye (Fleming)

What happens when LDS Priesthood Holders Abuse?

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God protects his Daughters and his Priesthood from those who would abuse it. Because the Priesthood of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is real and valid,  I believe God curses those LDS priesthood holders who play advocate for God, while abusing the members and sisters.

I have always felt intense faith in My Lord and Savior.  One of my earliest memories was a prayer, and an answer and feeling the Love of God.   Most the people in my life, are people of strong various faiths, yet share a desire to live their lives honorably in a way to please God. I have always sought to live my life by those guidelines.

I am accustomed to having many of my prayers answered forcefully in the Lords due time.  Sometimes it is longer than I prefer.

On one occasion I had endured so much cruelty, and felt powerless to protect myself.   Mathew had frequently sent me threats, even while he traveled in China, he tried to make sure I would fear him no matter where or how far away he was.

After enduring so much over the years, in my anger and frustration, I had a metal bat.  I kept one in my room and in the living room.  One day, I stared at that bat wanting to beat the hell out of Mathew.   But I knew I couldn't, and if I beat the hell out of him, well, he was stronger and there is this thing called the Law.  I thought, maybe if I could use the force to use the bat?   I tried, but the bat didn't move a millimeter.  Dang it.

So I went to the Lord, I reminded the Lord of all the Lord had done for me.  I reminded the Lord of all Mathew had done to me, and I asked first, "Please beat the hell out of him with a metal bat.  It has to be a metal bat because that would really make me feel good."

Then I remembered  that's not how it works.   "Let me rephrase that Lord.  Mathew is cruel, unkind, and unjust,  he tries to keep me in a state of fear, after he covenanted to protect me.  I know I am not the only one he has offended.   I know you have been protecting him from his own stupid mistakes with others.  I know there are others angry with him like me.   Please deliver him into the hands of his enemies, and make sure they are armed with metal bats.   It has to be metal bats.  Please stop protecting him.   Let him know that you are no longer protecting him.  He is teaching his children that a man can abuse his wife, and continue to threaten her, and live happily ever after. You know I am innocent of all he accuses me of."

Well, the following story is hearsay so the details may be off.   Afterward, as he was walking down an alley in China (who knows what country)  a gang of six men with metal bats attacked him, and beat the hell out of him.  His bruises lasted long enough that when returned to the United States, and he dropped of the children on his next visitation, the intermediary called me to say how scary he looked.

Just as Mathew could threaten me even from China, God is the God of the whole earth.  Where the men in my life have failed to protect me, God will not.  God does not like it when men intimate and bully his daughters.

Since then, many times when I've become angry, I've just remembered the metal Bats of China, and that when justice of men fail here, God will not fail.   And since it was in China, my hands are clean.  The memory of the metal bats gives me faith and Patience in God, and has gotten me through many upsetting periods.

Bible stories are real to me.  Realistic too.   I was taught to apply the scriptures to my own life. 

Many women have clergy, Bishops, Priests, Pastors who abuse their position.  I’ve heard stories from Mormon women who’ve left the church because some LDS Bishop or other church leader made choices that were counter to what God would have them do.

These are the acts of Men, not God, and have no reflection of the Lord's Gospel.  Always remember, even the Apostle of the Lord, Judas, betrayed.   Christ was still Christ, and his Church is still his Church.

First let me clarify, I believe in the Gospel as taught by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I believe Thomas S Monson is a true Prophet of God called to help us in these difficult times.  I am grateful that my local church leaders, men who work without pay and take care of their own families and hold regular jobs, these men who have been called as my Bishops and Stake Presidents, have stayed true to the charge they were given.

In the LDS Church, all worthy men are given the Priesthood.  I see this priesthood as real, and true.   I’ve seen good men use this Priesthood to serve others faithfully.  I’ve seen many wonderful things.

I’ve also seen the consequences when men pretend to worthy of that priesthood.

Seeing what happens to men who falsely claim to be worthy of the Priesthood, performing sacred ordinances, and entering into the Temple to serve, have only solidified my belief in the Gospel as taught by the LDS Church.

First, the Biblical example; Eli, his sons, and Ichabod.

Eli was a faithful Prophet serving in the Temple in Israel.  Eli allowed his sons who were unfaithful to enter and serve in the temple.  The people came to Eli, and complained to him of how his sons mistreated them in the temple.  Eli did not step up.  He ignored the cries of the abused, and allowed his sons to continue in the temple.  The child Samuel who served in the temple came to Eli, told him of the vision he had from God, and how Eli and his sons would be destroyed for this.  (The short version.)

Shortly afterward, the Israelites were losing a battle.  The Sons of Eli, while unworthy, went to the temple and bore the Arc of the Covenant into battle.  The Israelites were defeated, and their precious Arc of the Covenant was taken by there enemies.  Eli’s sons were slain in Battle.  When Eli heard of it, he died dramatically.  When his daughter in law heard her husband and in-laws were dead, while she was in childbirth, she named the child Ichabod. "The Gory is departed from Israel."

Bishops should not ignore the cries of abused Daughters of God and allow unrighteous, cruel and brutal, unrepentant men to perform priesthood ordinances, and serve in the temple.  Because our loving God hears their cries.

Bishops are limited in their authority.   They do not have the power, nor do they desire to perform complete CSI investigations into people who come for interviews with the Bishop.  The Bishop is effectively the gatekeeper of the temple, and the priesthood.  They interview and determine one’s eligibility for the priesthood, and temple entrance.   One leader told me, a man came in, he had the worst feeling and inside he knew the truth, but the man claimed to be worthy, and the leader had no evidence, and the leader had to turn it over to God, and allow the man what he sought.

There is a difference between when a the Church leader has a feeling, and when the church leader has been told by those who know that a man is a rapist, and ignore it because the man seems nice enough and is persuasive enough.  Can you say Ichabod?

I try to limit my interaction with the man who raped me.  But, circumstances as they are, and due to responsibility I have, I have no choice at times.  He can be nasty and cruel in the simplest of required interactions. I have gone to my leaders and testified to them.  But they are not his leaders and have no authority over him.  All they can do is pass it on, and let his LDS leaders choose.  His Priesthood Leaders have never responded to any accounts.

It’s been explained to me that when an unworthy man performs a priesthood ordinance, the ordinance is still valid, but God holds the man accountable.   It is my witness that this is true.

I’ve been told by Mathew Fleming the man who raped me, that my opinion, feelings, and soul are worthless.  That my thoughts ignorant.  I have been degraded countless times and that it doesn’t matter that I was raped.

But I know that God cares because God proved it though that very same man. 

A sacred ordinance was performed by that man who degrades me for sport. During it, I could not prevent the event, and I was required to attend.  During the ordinance I reminded the Lord of the awful cruelty of the man, and asked the Lord to hold the rapist accountable for the example he set.  As I hold the Priesthood sacred, and knowing that God does not like to be mocked, I reminded the Lord, “He’s mocking you.” was said more than a few times in my silent prayer. Outwardly I barely kept my composure.

As he man spoke the words of the freely worded ordinance, I was stunned and felt peace in the Justice of God.  In his own words he chose for the ordinance, he pronounced what I knew would be own curse.  The curse he unwittingly brought upon himself, promptly followed.  Two months later he asked me confused, “How did this happen?”

I did not answer that question. But it happened because the Priesthood is real, and God protects it from those who mock him with it.  The curse he brought upon himself by pretending to be worthy of the Priesthood lasted over one year. God will not be mocked.

I don’t think God likes it, when a man degrade his daughters then attempt to represent God the Father.

I knew then, again, that God is real.  That God loves us and does not like to be mocked.  And despite all Mathew says, what he did to me was real, and was wrong.  God does care about the cruelties given to me, and others.  I feel that God was protecting his Holy Priesthood.

The temple is a sacred place to me.   As I’ve tried to limit interaction with the man who raped me as much as possible, the temple has been a great sanctuary, blessing me.  It’s been one place I could go I believed he dared not go without repenting.

Unknown to me, there was  a temple ordinance he sought, that required his Bishop contacting me and my Bishop first.   Mathew's bishop never contacted me as he was required.  Months after I was told through the grapevine.  

After learning this, I tried to return to the temple, but as I entered the celestial room it tore me up.  Fear that in that one sacred place, I was not safe from the rapist even in the most Holy and Sacred places.  The one place God would want his daughters to feel safe and his love was no longer so.  It was devastating. 

I entered the temple three separate times afterward.  Each time, the thought of entering that sacred safe room, knowing the man who raped could be there, devastated me, and it was no longer a sacred holy place.  I could not feel the love and safety of God in the Holiest of places because of the boldness of the rapist.

You cannot stand in Holy Places if you do not keep your Holy Places Holy.

Confused, I went to the Lord in Prayer, in my own room.  “Shut it down.  Please God, Shut it down.  Shut it down. I’m can't feel safe in there, clean it up, and rededicate this Temple.”  I asked over and over again in tearful prayer.

A few months laterit was announced that our temple would in fact be shut down, gutted and rededicated, that we did not know how long and that it would be rededicated.

The temple is even now shut down, and being cleaned out.  It will be rededicated. 

Bishops, if you don’t want the sisters of the church begging the Lord to shut down temples, stop ignoring cries of the abused.  Spousal rape is real and a violation of the most sacred and holy covenants.  The Power of the Priesthood is intended to protect and heal in God's holy name, not rape and destroy.

Every Sunday the Young Women of the Church Recite, “We are Daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love him.”  God does love his Daughters fiercely.

So many times I was torn down, those words would come to my mind.  So many times God has reminded me that I am of worth.  That my thoughts count. My efforts count.  My soul is of worth That I am valued no matter what others say.

Watching God protect His priesthood in the LDS Church strengthens my faith that it is the True Priesthood of God, despite the failings of men.

Mathew can invalidate me to anyone else, but not to God.

My calling as a Mother is sacred and I deserve to be treated with respect.

Holy places must be kept Holy for all his Daughters, or God Himself will take them away.

It is my witness that all these things are true, In the Name of Jesus Christ my ultimate Savior and Protector,

Natalie Marie Pye (Fleming)

Mercy vs Justice

"Get the Bad Guy"

It seems so many people are so eager to "get the bad guy" movies celebrate this, as the bad guy finally gets what he deserves in the end. Video games teach you how to constantly focus on destroying the "bad guy". Our God given sense of justice and righteous retribution can become overly honed to quickly and furiously destroy the "bad guy".

Unfortunately these same dimwits, are often quick to shallow judgement, not not take the emotional time to truly listen and understand others. Eager to "get the bad guy" they bounce at their first sign of it. 

How easy it is to persuade someone they are "getting the bad guy". How quick and easy it is for someone to rush to judgement and decide an innocent is guilty. And they swoop in to destroy someone, even those who are near and should be dear to them. From OWS, to gangs, even in their own homes. Dimwits overly zealous to "get the bad guy" swoop in, destroy, never knowing or accepting or taking to time to find out they are hurting the innocent, and they themselves become the "bad guy" by hurting the innocent. 

After the first act of "Punishing the bad guy"  Any attempt by the innocent to defend or explain themselves is beat down, because that would make the punisher face their own guilt.  If the person they punished, was actually innocent then they themselves are guilty.  


Any attempt to plead with the punisher only motivates them to greater cruelty.

The Crucifiers of Christ hearts were filled with the "Get the bad Guy" mentality. They actually believed they were the good guys.

That is why Christ taught what he did. Oh, I do believe in "getting the bad guy" and getting them good. But I also believe in taking the time to get it right. 

"Just be Nice"

On the other far side of the "get the bad guy" spectrum is the overzealous mercy side, "Just be nice." How just being nice and bringing someone to Christ can save souls. 

We've all heard and read the articles of a almost victim of a violent bad guy, says Christly things and gives the bad guy warm fuzzies, they repent and get better. But we also read of kindly Christians getting killed trying to give warm fuzzies to violent bad guys. 

"Just be nice" is great until taken to the wrong extreme. "Oh he raped you, Just be nice." "Oh he threatened to kill your baby. Just be nice." 

These become the people who sit back and do nothing about injustice and abuse against themselves and others.

Just as an overzealous sense of "get that bad guy" can destroy the innocent, "Just be nice" can be misused to enable abusers to rule, crush and destroy, all the while thinking they are Christlike buy being nice to the bad guy while they continue to wreak havoc. There is a time to "be nice", and their is a time to "get the bad guy". 

Mercy and Justice have to balance.

Soul Eaters

I used to have a relative that was sarcastic, nasty and cruel. He always seemed to know how to hurt you the deepest, and at the most delicate moments. When you felt like everything else in your life was so overwhelming, he knew just what to say to completely destroy what you had left of your soul. It was like he had his own personal line to the adversary. He never really knew how deep his cruelty went. He would then laugh, and as the butt of his joke, you were expected to laugh too, to show you were a good sport. Be careful of what you do to others, because you never know how little they have left to hold on to. His legacy continues with others he inspired. I learned sarcasm from him. It took so much for me to quit, but I did years ago. I look at him, and others like him as destroyers of souls.

How to Save Your Man and Your Marriage

You know you can save him right?   And after you do he will be so grateful to you for saving him and his relationship to his children, and bringing him back to God and Family.  He will love you so much more!  One day he will look at you with that sweet smile.

You've managed him as an abuser to minimize his abuse and the consequence of it.  Surely with God's help you can save him?  Right?

Many years ago there was a man name Martin.  He was a devout Christian.  He was a good man.  He went about preaching and bringing souls to God.  He loved all mankind.  Then there was one group he was devoted to saving.  The family of Christ.   He befriended them, he preached to them, with hope to bring them to Christ.  For many years he tried to pursuade them.

At the end of his years, after bringing so many to Christ, this single group still resisted, completely.  They kept about their traditions and refused to convert.

After all those years of Martin's good works bringing souls to Christ, Martin became frustrated and bitter toward this particular group.

In his bitter anger, Martin Luthor wrote a book, "The ___ and their Lies".  This book was later picked up and expanded upon in a bigger longer winded confusing book, by the most hated man of the last century, and lead to the Holocaust and the deaths of millions in many countries.

The man who sought to save souls, became the seed of the greatest suffering of the last century.

Christ saves, you don't.  And it's in Christ's time, not yours.   No one can be forced to Come to the truth, no grand miracles can dissuade them from their course.   When one's heart seeks after Christ, then they do.

You can pray for miracles, for signs, you can pray to God to beat the *** out of him and have it answered with six chinese men with metal bats, you can be the best love maker, you can make the best meals, you can starve yourself to anorexia, you can pray to have your heart filled with such love that he can't help but feel it too, you can give him back rubs every night while your 9 months pregnant, you can suffer without compliant, you can leave all the money in the accounts and let him take it all so you can't afford a lawyer just to show your fidelity, you can be kind and understanding about his relationships with other women, you can pray that something big will happen in the world that brings everyone back to home and family like 9/11 then watch the towers go tumbling down.  You can pray to God to show him what can happen to your children if your family fails, then witness terrible things.  You can do all these things and God can hear and answer every last prayer prayer.  But you are not the problem.  God is not the problem.

Your man chooses what he chooses because he is who he is.

And until you accept that, you are going to suffer.

When he doesn't love, or put his family first the problem is not that you don't love enough or serve enough or put your family first.   Your serving loving isn't the problem.  Increasing the serving and loving won't fix him.  Until he gets it, he will not be saved.  And you, cannot make him "get it."

When Christ taught, he preached, then went on his way.   Those who believed in him, followed him.   When someone Christ taught refused him, he went on his way. Christ did not stick around with someone who didn't want it.

You have no power on when and how he will be saved.  You can pray for him and hope for him and be the best woman you can be for you and your children.  But he makes his choices.

If he is abusing you, and you think you will save him by staying, and letting him continue to rape and abuse you, that your love for him will eventually save him. You are wrong.   You are not following Christ.  Staying in a position where he can abuse you, then "turning the other cheek" is not going to save him, nor will it prove your righteousness.  It is fatally dangerous for your soul, and to his.

I guess we learn the hard way.