Tuesday, January 12, 2016

What that $1.4 Billion Powerball Lottery Means to the Federal Government

What that $1.4 Billion Lottery Means to the Federal Government

If you take the Immediate Cash of $868 Million
Without Financial Planning the 2015 tax is 39.6%
Leaving you with $524.3 Million
The Government wants all $ to eventually come back to the Feds, thus
Without Financial Planning the Feds take another 40% or $209.7 Million when you die.
Leaving your family with $314.6 Million
And the Feds take a total of $553 Million of the $868 pay out.
This is before your State takes it's bite.

But wait, there's more!
Remember the Government already takes 40% from all Ticket Sales before the prizes are given
Thus the Government already took $579 Million* from Ticket Sales before winners were paid.
Thus the Government gets $1.13 Billion and your family gets $314.6 Million.

In the end, the total Government take is 78.3%* of ticket sales.

The Lottery is a Poor Tax. Have you Paid your Poor Tax this week?

*Total ticket Sales: $868 is 60% of $1447. $1447-$868 =$579
*$1,447 Million total ticket Sales, Family $314.6 is 21.7%

* Yes this is simplified. But, it is the Governments ultimate goal.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

More on Step Parent Alienation

Oh how awful it is to be married to someone who drives away your children.  How sickening it feels to hear them go on an on trying to detail the faults of your children.

I would rather never marry for eternal lifetimes, and be with my children, than to have to be with someone who does not love cherish and accept my children in all their glorious beauty and flaws.

Our children are the most precious gifts of God.

I am so glad I did not allow that relationship to continue.  I am so grateful to my children for their amazing forgiveness.  I am sorry for the trials they faced when my back was turned, although it was brief, it was eternally to long.

Who does that to someone?  Who dares ask a parent to alienate the very children our Creator sent them to care for.

Before we married, when he was on his knees asking me to marry him, I kept him there, on his knees interrogating him at least 10 minutes.  "Do you promise to love and accept all my children?"  He already had a pretty solid taste of how challenging my kids could be.  Whatever!

Single motherhood, barely swimming above poverty and a small home with the children is better than worldly possessions and a spouse that wants you all to themself.

After the "I do"s, once he went on an on about a specific child.  I faked being asleep for 30 minutes and he was still going.  I actually fell asleep and woke up yet another 30 minutes later and he was still going.....

Yes our kids have faults.  Yes our children make mistakes.  It's called growing up.

But, parents are supposed to be mature enough and big enough to love them through it, and be there for them always.

Getting out of those relationships isn't always easy.  Say you realize you married your stalker, what do you do then?  You cannot leave them and keep yourself and your family safe.  You slowly and carefully disappoint them until they leave you.

The easiest way to disappoint them is to continue to accept your children into your home, and love them.

I know I will be held accountable for what happened to my children while distracted.

I'd rather have no companion than that.

I am so very, very glad that is over. Oh the peace that brings.

But, I have what is most precious.  Those things are nothing.  Although repairing the damage done to my children took a lot of work, and will continue to be work. I am so grateful every day that it is over with him.

Being around someone who drives away your children warps your brain. It tears you apart in too many directions.  That kind of toxic negativity takes a while to clean off your soul.

Marriages are supposed to be Sacred and Holy.  Marriages are supposed to be a blessing to your and your children.

This afternoon I returned home and couldn't find my daughter.  I looked around in our small home, all of 1.5 seconds.  Then I looked outside.  I looked around the yard, and initially I couldn't find her.  Then I looked up high in the tree and laughed.  She sat there quit and thoughtfully staring into the sky for a while.  She is so much braver than I am.  How I love her for that!  She even has baked potatoes sized muscles in her arms.  Where did she get those?  Later I quietly laughed at her strawberry jam/boiled egg/spinach sandwich.  My son came to me excited with another of his ideas.  I listen to these at least once a day.  He's kinda smart which makes him hard to follow.    Later I watched my other daughter go from happy over whatever, to sad, and "No, I don't want to talk about it."  To happy again.

We made healthy chocolate snacks.  #3 hated them, laughed and spat hers out. She then added sweet and condensed milk to hers.   (various nut butters, raw local honey, coconut shreds, and dark chocolate powder formed into truffle balls, then rolled in chocolate powder again)  The only bad thing about chocolate is the fat used to deliver it with.  Nut fats, healthy.

Teens are nuts.  I love them.  I strangle them.  But, I love them too.

Friday, January 8, 2016

How to Win the Rewards of the Big PowerBall Jackpot.

How to win the Rewards of the $900 Million maybe $1 Billion Dollar Jackpot!!

First, sit down and make a list and check it twice.

Make a list of all the projects, ideas, services, travels, things you want to do for yourself, your family, your friends, your community and the world.

Make the list quickly. Take no more than 5 minutes to write it.

Then pray about it.  Ask your Almighty Creator what you should do.

Then add a little more to the list.  No more than five minutes.

Then look at the list, and break the list down into steps for each item on your wonderful I'm Going to Win Nearly a Billion Dollars.

Then on Sunday morning, when reality sets in, go over your list again, ask yourself, "How many of these things can I do without nearly a Billion Dollars.

You may be surprised.

You don't need a Billion Dollars to write a book, or a blog of whatever you are passionate about.

Maybe instead of buying Wolf Springs Ranch in Colorado, you can get a job there.

Maybe instead of paying Disturbed to do a record album of Jean Valjean and Javert's songs thats safe for Grandma, maybe the band could be moved to perform it from an online petition.  Here is the Petition.

Highlight everything on the list that is possible, and almost possible without your precious nearly Billion Dollars.

If you want to visit a foreign country, get a job as an English teacher in the country of choice.  Sell your car and use the funds to buy a plane ticket.  Sure you may come home dead broke, but you did it.

What's on your, "I just won nearly a Billion Dollars" list?

You may not be able to do everything on your Powerball/Megamillions list due to the lack of funds in your Bank Account, but you will be surprised how much you can do.

Oh and yeah, this works whether or not you buy a ticket!

Friday, December 25, 2015

Problematic Communication and Suicide

One of the most delicate conversations you will ever have, is an attempt to comfort a friend, family or loved one in the event of a Suicide.

A family suicide is one of the worst case scenarios for problematic communication.


Years ago a boy I loved, a precious member of our family took his own life.

As the boy's family is LDS, and I am LDS, I pondered what to say to another family member not of our faith, who would be attending the funeral.

Because I have personally made every communication blunder possible, and the husband of the woman I wanted to write to is and was openly hostile to our faith, I thought I could best trust an article already written on the subject by the Church itself.

I found the Article by M. Russell Ballard, Suicide: Some Things We know, and Some We Do Not, insightful and intelligent.  The WHOLE POINT OF THE ARTICLE IS TO DISPEL THE MYTH THAT EVERYONE WHO COMMITS SUICIDE GOES STRAIT TO HELL.

I read over it several times as it brought me comfort.  It first exposes the harsh beliefs of those who oversimplify the delicate subject.  Then moves on to reason and intelligence and the Love and Wisdom of the Almighty.  The article pleads understanding, patience, and faith in God's grace.

“I believe the Lord will consider each case separately and judge the circumstances of each individual. I have sincerely sought direction from our Father in Heaven to help me understand the nature of suicide. And I have come to know, as well as anything else that I know from God, that these people have a place in the kingdom of our Father, and it is not one of darkness or despair, but one where they can receive comfort and experience serenity.”

And thus, I sent a link to the article to my non-LDS family member, hoping for her to have a greater understanding of how Mormons perceive the tragedy.  I was very careful to not say anything myself, but left it to the article to explain.

Instead of a response from the woman I sent the email to, her husband responded with hostility, arguing with the assumption that the article I sent declared the child was in hell.

I felt that any further attempt to straighten out the miscommunication would only make thing worse.  So for the last 14 years, those family members have hated me for it.   Lovely.  Just lovely.  Go Natalie!

But hey, the story gets even worse.  Yep.  So the mother was a dear friend that I cared for and worried about every night.  Her husband and I spoke several times on the phone over the next couple of months.  I wanted to speak words of comfort to her, but I was terrified of saying the wrong thing.  She was understandably terrible traumatized and fragile during this time.

I thought of her son, on the other side of the veil of death, watching his mother helpless to comfort her.  I felt that he would want to comfort her, but was powerless to do so.  For me, to have to watch a dear, loved one suffer, while helpless to intercede is absolute hell.  I laid awake many nights, trying to understand and find the words she needed.

Finally, I spoke with her on the phone.  I knew of her fragile state, and believed that she needed to know, that the best way for her to help her son, was to heal herself.  So I told her that I believed that her son could see her and her suffering.  I told her that I knew her son loved her dearly.  I told her that seeing her suffer so, was a hell for him.  That her healing would be healing for him.  I tried to be so careful.  For me, these are empowering words, to be reminded of the love her son had for her, that she could make a difference to comfort him even after he passed on.

What did she get from the conversation.   Her boy was in Hell.  Yep, I did it again.  Go Natalie!

So after 14 years, my kids came home from an extended family event, and asked me about this.   Yep, they got to learn from the horses mouth what a jerk I am.  Gratefully, this situation is easily explained to them.  As they too, have experienced people misunderstanding them, they understood quite easily.  I guess they get to learn from me that we are all misunderstood at seemingly the most significant moments.  I hope my loss comforts them when they too are misunderstood.  At least they can learn that.  They know that if someone doesn't want to understand, there is no way to make them understand.

I got out two pitchers of  water.  Mine was open, while the other pitcher was shut.  I demonstrated pouring my water of intelligence into the closed pitcher.  My child laughed as the water splashed everywhere.  This is what it is to try to explain something to someone who doesn't want to understand.

I then got out a teacup, and tried to pour a gallon of water from my pitcher into it.  The water spilled everywhere and made another mess.  This is what it is to try to share intelligence with someone not ready for it.

I didn't have a big water gun.  But I explained that for some people, trying to pour your water of intelligence to them,  is just to fill their water gun so they can shoot you.

Communication can only happen when both parties are willing, sincere, and capable.  It doesn't matter how much you love someone, or want them to understand you.  Thats just too bad.  They have to be capable and willing, you cannot force them to understand you. Continuing to try to communicate in these situations, just makes the situation messier, and arms them with more ammo.

We discussed different ways of dealing with people who we want to understand us, but don't.  We discussed the importance of knowing our audience, and their readiness, and willingness to understand.

Here is a link to our favorite article,   https://www.lds.org/ensign/1987/10/suicide-some-things-we-know-and-some-we-do-not?lang=eng

Thursday, December 10, 2015

The Scariest Most Dangerous People in the World

The most dangerous, and scary people in the world are those who believe they can be controlled and that they are controlled by others.  Nothing is weaker that someone who believes these things.

Now, Basic Christianity 101 teaches us that no one can be controlled.

Every teaching of Jesus Christ is focused on how we treat others, irregardless of how they treat us.  His teachings are all about treating others with respect and kindness.  Christ speaks of being kind to those who mistreat us. This is the ultimate act of true power.

This is because of the basic simple fact that We, Ourselves, are the ONLY one we can control.  There is no way to control anyone.

Anytime ANYONE has ever spoken to me of the fear of being controlled, I have considered them ignorant and confused.  For so many years I didn't even know how to address it, because the very concept was so foreign to me.   It wasn't until the last ten years, that I came to understand where in the world this idea came from.

I grew up in an authoritarian home.  But Mr Authority was always pretty busy.  So when he was gone, which was A LOT, out came the gun powder, and we'd build little volcanoes in the field, put a hole at the top, and powder in it, then light it.  Gun Powder, black powder, I don't know.  But I learned from watching all that happened, that there is no such thing as controlling others.

Physical force and coercion can work only while the pressure is applied.  Even then, most minds plot escape from the coercion during the moments of coercion.  It doesn't work.

Free will is a basic desire of the human spirit.  The right and and ability to choose burns in our hearts.

When someone believes that they can be controlled, and/or that they are being controlled, or that they can or should control others, it brings out the darkest of Humanity.  Such a believer can commit any and all cruelties against the individual or group they believe is controlling them, without any remorse or holding back.

Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf, a painful read, even if you can only get through a few pages of the filth, Mein Kampf is a longwinded monolog of the many Methods the Jews use to "Control" others.  Adolf in his over bent intellectualism think he is outsmarting the Jew in explaining all the tricky ways a Jew can use a pretended kindness to put you under their thumb.  It's all about how the Jew controls others.  Adolf claims that the little "Jewess" who pretends to fall in love as a young girl, is just really trying to seduce you into mating with her and creating more Jews.  Of course Adolf's filthy mind and preaching that the Jews were controlling people, and that the only way to defend against it was to bake, gas, smoke, fry every living Jew on the globe.  Yikes.  People were sucked into Adolf's profoundly ignorant belief that people can be controlled.

People can be controlled only so long as they believe they can be controlled.

Perhaps those who believe they can and are being controlled have never experienced or embraced their own true free will.  They begin to evaluate every action of the other, solely on the measure of gaining or loosing power.  This basic distortion of reality clouds their judgment.

One of the most power full experiences you can have, is to have a beast, a dog of a human tear into you emotionally, and still look inside yourself and know that you still have the power to be sincerely kind to them, that you are of worth, and that God Loves You.  That is the greatest power that exists in the world.

Jesus taught to be kind to the bastard.  To be kind, and feel kind within,  to a ruthless bastard, knowing that you still have power over your mind in the worst of the worst of situations, so much that you can be kind to such a person, in all sincerety of heart and soul, is the most powerful feeling you can ever have.

In Rwanda, the Hutu leaders preached over the radios, all day and all night of the evil Tutsi's desire to rule over them and control them.  The radios continuously blared of all the innumerable ways Tutsis seek to rule over Hutus.  The Tutsis had all basic rights taken from them, until Tutsis were near powerless, and yet the Hutus were so weak minded, they still believed that the Tutsis could rule over them.  Their solution, the only solution was to kill and murder every Tutsi man woman and child they could find.  In 100 days, the Hutu's slaughtered 800,000 Tutsis.  Little girls.  Pregnant women.  Little boys. Babes.  Everyone, anyone.  The bodies were piled high, but still the Hutus were so weak and pathetic of mind that they believed the Tutsi's would destroy them so they continued on in the filth.

The truth is that those who believe they can be controlled become very weak themselves.   No mater how much power you give them, it is never enough.  They still fear the power they imagine you can have over them.

Power over self is the only power that exists.  Nothing else is real.  That is why EVERY teaching of Jesus Christ, is all about what we can do as individual to serve others righteously.

Until you understand your own power over self, you can never experience true unconditional love to and for another living human being.  Only then can you understand what real love is.

As you understand your own power over self, and you own place in your life as you learn and grow and progress, you being to see others, in their place of grown or regression.  You understand that just as you life is made of your place in experience, so is their life.

You come to understand that someone else's ignorance, or weakness may hurt you, but they are not ABOUT you.  It's not about YOU.  Their flaws are about them.  You have no ownership over their flaws.  They are theirs and theirs alone.

Their actions, although they may be against you, are their actions, and their actions alone.  Just because they are directed to you, doesn't make it about you.  It's about them.

That disconnect is profoundly freeing.  Understanding this helps you to free yourselves of the hurt they seek to inflict on you, and see them for themselves, for who they choose to be.

After that disconnect of their abuse of you, you may someday come to a place where you can even pray for them and seek for their repentance and coming to God so that they may experience the freedom of self, and the true power that comes from it.   You may even pray for them to have experiences that will open their hearts and mind to the truth of what is real.

This is why True Believers always see to reach out.  While for some, the wounds may be too fresh and deep to be anywhere near the abusers, maybe even for all of the rest of their lifetime.  Some wounds may not heal enough before standing before Christ himself.  That's okay.

Only by and thru this Atoning power of Jesus Christ, and the basic understanding of Free Will can there be peace on earth, peace in our homes, and families and relationships.

Faiths that preach of force and coercion, faiths that distance the believer from their own experience of self control, self will, free will, these faiths can only bring more suffering and bloodshed to all of creation.  Faiths that preach that peace can only come through the subjection or annihilation of another group, can only bring suffering and death to self and the world, as subjection can never truly exist.  When you combine this belief with the belief of "get the  bad guy", you have a toxic, sometimes deadly combination of beliefs that lead to terrible violence

Faiths that preach of Free Will, and how to overcome the darkness through light, choosing service and love as individuals, these faiths will bring us closer to our God in Heaven, and closer to our potential as his literal Children.  The belief of Free Will combined with reach out to the "missguided" to bring them to the light willingly, is peaceful.  Remember the worst thing that Christ taught to do to the unbelievers, is Dust off  Your Feet, as you leave their home.  Thats it.  Dust off your feet.

I believe that Satan is very real.  I believe that his number one teaching is that others can and will have power and control over you, that you have no power unless you take someone else down.

More importantly, I believe that God the Creator of all Creation lives, and is all powerful, seeks to GIVE us POWER, has no fear of losing power.  I believe that he cannot give us that power until we personally come to understand the very power we now have, and that as we experience our own sense of power over self, exercise it, and grow, that the Lord God will grant us more.  Our Spirits grow within in power and strength.

Please reread the First Four Gospels of the New Testament, focusing on how Jesus Christ is teaching us how we personally have power, Real Power.

Sincerely, and in the Name of our Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.
Natalie Fleming

Friday, October 26, 2012

To Love a Wayward Parent

The unconditional love children can have for their parents is amazing.  Of all the stories I've heard from children, young and old about their parents, it seems their is only one unforgivable crime.

No matter all the terrible things a parent can do, even if they are in prison, it seems that only one thing can ultimatly cut them off from the child.

As long as the child, (adult child or young) feels and sees that their parent loves them, respects them, and cares about them and their well being, that seems to be the most vital thing they need.

Beyond that, a parent can commit so many terrible things, but once that parent turns to their child and says, "I love  you, I respect you, and I'm sorry." and demonstrates that they really mean it, that's all they need.

When you sort past all the nitty, gritty messes of family relationships, it comes down to that one simple principle, the need to be loved, respected and accepted, trumps just about everything.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A New Birth

The last time I gave birth, I was so terrified.

My nephew had just taken his life the week before.  My husband promised to leave me after her birth.

The World Trade Center had come down.

Other things happened that really scared me.   I was afraid for my children's future.  I felt so alone.

I have wonderful healthy pregnancies, and make up for all the missed pregnancy suffering all in child labor.

The doctor who administered the epidural did it wrong and I felt complete pain.

In that hospital room I felt that my emotional suffering was complete.

I felt that my spiritual fears and suffering was complete.

I felt that my husband's betrayal and cruelty was complete.

I felt my physical suffering was complete.

My husband was their with me physically, and put on a video of that ape planet movie to comfort me?  He was cold and distant.

I can't look back at that day, without falling apart.  So I will skip much of the story details, to make the major point.

After hours of pain and complete suffering, my mind turned to the others.

I saw a young girl in another hospital far away, she was giving birth too.  She was in a hospital without family, a young teenage girl, becoming a mother.  I felt her pain and fear, and her wondering how she was going to meet her new responsibilities.

I saw another mother, so far away, in a hut, I felt her as she laid dying on a dirt floor, surrounded by her helpless small children.   I felt her heart tear as she ached to live for the sake of her children.   And I felt her spirit cry out as she died, and left her children helpless.  I felt as her spirit left her body.

In that moment, I felt every woman.

I felt the joined souls of every woman suffering at that moment.

All of them across the earth in one singular cry, their souls united in a song of suffering to the Lord.

I felt and saw them all as their heart broken souls stood before the Lord.

The uniting power of the suffering women was overwhelming.

I felt selfish and ashamed to ask the Lord to attend to my hardship, while their was so much suffering.  At the same time, I asked to, and prayed to the Lord for his aid.

I was answered, and the Lord promised to watch over me.

There was more.

But, I will tell you this.

God loves his daughters.  They are precious to him.   He hears every cry and counts every tear.  He is aware, he is very aware. 

To offend his daughters is to offend him.  He is wise and all powerful.

I have wondered how any being can withstand, and bear to exist the weight of the suffering.

I have come to believe, that the only means of peace for our Lord, is to exercise that power he has, sometimes swiftly, and sometimes in his own due time, at the oportune moment, to bring protection and justice.

I want every woman to know this.  That God is real.  That God loves them.   That he knows their unjust suffering.  That tears are counted.  He knows.

And when God chooses to act....

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Step Parent Parental Alienation

Imagine the cruel step mothers from all those terrible children's stories, but the father isn't even dead.

Do some step mothers see the adolescent daughter as competition?  Then persuade the father the child is corrupt in order to alienate the child from the father?

If a man has any character, neither Step Mother or Child should fear alienation.  A father's love for his child should be constant and unwavering.  The child should know the father will BE THERE for her.  The Step mother should know the same of his love for her too.  A father's family members deserve to have absolute confidence in his love and steadfastness.

And acharity suffereth long, and is bkind, and cenvieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily dprovoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

If a man's heart is filled with the love of Christ, neither Step Mother nor child would fear loss of love.

When a man has an affair, the adulterous women he is with, will try to alienate the man from his wife.  She will encourage him to believe every negative thought about his wife, and try to point more out to him.  She will help him to see the evil in his wife.  The man, looking to justify himself, loves it, and feeds on it.

A "wicked" step mother/parent can do the same with the father and the child.  Just like the woman luring a man from a sacred relationship, a cruel step mother can use all the same tactics to drive a wedge between the "competing" daughter and her father.  These step mothers are of the same character as a woman luring a man from his wife.

This of course, is most likely to happen when the father once showered love on his daughter, and the step mother resents it.

If a young girl, who once felt showered with love by her father, is painfully alienated from her father, the consequence can be devastating and even fatal.  As the child is alienated, of course she will act out and give the step mother more rotten material to work with.

It's pathetic that some men are so completely well, without any sense of reality that they fall for this.  There is a special place prepared for such men.

A good man who really loves and cherished his sweet beautiful daughter, who understands his God given commandment to protect his precious daughter, who remembers those tender childhood little girl moments, could never do such a sick thing. It's hard to believe that such a father's love was ever real.

A woman who has inner strength and confidence would never do this to a step daughter.  A strong faithful women has nothing to fear from a cherished step daughter.  A strong confident women who has confidence in her relationship with her husband, would never do this.  She would welcome her step daughter with open arms.

These women who alienate children from their fathers,  are easy for most moms to spot.

I have so much more to say on this, but I can't.  When you see one you love suffer, and are powerless to change the heartache...  It's profoundly amazing how dark and twisted a mind can become that a father cannot even begin to recognize real love.

We are each responsible for our relationships with our children. 

I asked God a question 10 years ago when I was in the hospital with a ill newborn.   If a man has no natural affection for his children, and no desire to fulfill his fatherly duties to the child, is the father's heart then,  so corrupt that it's better that the father leave anyway?

Is it better to let such a "parent" walk away?

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Who do we Protect?

I put every part of my living breathing into trying to save my first marriage.  I believed in the institution of marriage to protect me and my children.

I believed the timing of  a young boys death served as a personal warning for us to make our marriage work.  I worked hard believing our children's very lives depended on it.   Years later, after a callous comment he made, and countless incidents, I realized, instead the death was a warning of the kind of man and family he represented. But then I realized, my children's lives depended on me standing up to him.   I wanted him back, pathetic yes, but I loved him.  But I realized that if I couldn't stand up to him, when he was unkind or cruel to our children, or to anyone, that we should not be together for their sake.

After not personally speaking to him for two years, I was shocked by his way of thinking when we spoke again.   I found him so far off key. Even more disturbing, I found myself agreeing with him in conversations, then after the conversations,  I felt like I "woke up"  and shook it off and was angry with myself for being so blurry minded in the moment.  I didn't like the way I couldn't retain myself with him.  It tore me up terribly. It was the hardest thing I never wanted to accept.  When I looked at him I felt eternity.  But I had to accept the reality of his cruelty.

I always though he would get better.

Now, I don't like the way he treats my children.   Sometimes I feel like there is so little I can do to protect them.  I try to teach them to put their faith and strength in God.   He is the one who will never fail us.  It's hard when you see your child hurting so much.

When our children are hurting, we as parents should be willing to put our own needs aside to help them.  

The other week, a new show, "Touch" about a father with an autistic son was on television.  In it the son, climbed a cell tower and sat at the top.  When the father came to help him, the father was afraid of heights, but it didn't matter, he still climbed to the top to save and protect his son.  As a true father he put his fears for his own protection aside to save his child.

A parent doesn't say, "I have to protect myself" when their child is in danger.   Personal self sacrifice is a part of what makes parenting real.  Being a real parent can really hurt at times, more than we can imagine. My children need me and will for  a long time.   So I live my life in such a way so I can be there for them. 

In terrible dark moments, there were times I felt like giving up.  But I didn't.  I've always believed that our family members that are "gone" now are still with us and watch us.  As powerless I've felt at times to help my children, the though of watching my children from the other side, unable to do anything to help my children as they passed through the adversities of life, was more horrible to me.  

It is for them I've chosen to live.   I love them with all my soul.  I see amazing things in there eyes, even in their greatest adversities.  Even in their greatest weaknesses I remember what they are to be when the reach their full potential, so I don't give up.  I want to see them accomplish everything honorable thing God intended for them.

I have a new life now, and a new loving husband.  He care about me so much.  He is kind and faithful.  He treats me with respect.   He loves my children and hurts for them when they do.    I don't have to go to the hospital alone for a child anymore.  I love him.  He is a good man who respects how I feel.  He takes the time to listen so there are no misunderstandings.  He is very patient, and I am very grateful for him.

Learning to love a man again has been terrifying.   I didn't think I would ever be able to even fall asleep with man in my house ever again.  But I do and I feel safe with him.  For a long time I knew there were guardian angels working hard to protect me  and my children.  One day I grew tired and complained to God that the angels protecting me were nice, but it sure would be nice to have a guardian angel I could touch and see.

And that is who God sent, Phil.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Good vs Power

Ever heard of Myanmar? You may know it as Burma.

Well in 2008 a huge Cyclone hit it.  The cyclone killed an estimated 138,000 people.

But it wasn't just the cyclone that killed ALL those people.

The country of Myanmar was ruled by a power hungry military.  People who obsess over power measure everything, every word, every action, and every event in terms of power.

Every situation either gives them more power, or takes it away.

After the cyclone hit, the rest of the world saw endless videos of dead bodies in trees, families destroyed, and villages swept to the sea in Myanmar.

As it is a poor country, the rest of the world swept into action.   The love and mercy of the world tried to step in and save what was left.

But the Myanmar government saw the even as a potential to lose power, not an event to serve.

Because they viewed the world in the eyes of power, the rulers of Myanmar kept out international aid. They would rather watch their citizens continue to suffer and die than lose power and allow aid in.

In the meantime great relief ships from around the world, sat at bay for days, unable to help, all because the leaders could only think in terms of power.

For days, the world sat and watched helplessly.

When the generals finally gave in, and let the aid in, they made stickers with their own names, and placed them over the international agencies names when distributing.

While some of us look at every event in terms of serving others, and helping, and just plain doing good, we can be hindered by self absorbed power hungry souls who would rather see those they are supposed to care about suffer, rather than aid.

Dealing with those in any level of power, who see everything in terms of power and control, and trying to do good while dealing with them, is a pain.

Some people just want to see good things happen. Some people just want power.

Those who are motivated by the quest for power, do not and cannot comprehend those with intentions of merely doing good and doing what is right.