Mercy vs Justice

"Get the Bad Guy"

It seems so many people are so eager to "get the bad guy" movies celebrate this, as the bad guy finally gets what he deserves in the end. Video games teach you how to constantly focus on destroying the "bad guy". Our God given sense of justice and righteous retribution can become overly honed to quickly and furiously destroy the "bad guy".

Unfortunately these same dimwits, are often quick to shallow judgement, not not take the emotional time to truly listen and understand others. Eager to "get the bad guy" they bounce at their first sign of it. 

How easy it is to persuade someone they are "getting the bad guy". How quick and easy it is for someone to rush to judgement and decide an innocent is guilty. And they swoop in to destroy someone, even those who are near and should be dear to them. From OWS, to gangs, even in their own homes. Dimwits overly zealous to "get the bad guy" swoop in, destroy, never knowing or accepting or taking to time to find out they are hurting the innocent, and they themselves become the "bad guy" by hurting the innocent. 

After the first act of "Punishing the bad guy"  Any attempt by the innocent to defend or explain themselves is beat down, because that would make the punisher face their own guilt.  If the person they punished, was actually innocent then they themselves are guilty.  


Any attempt to plead with the punisher only motivates them to greater cruelty.

The Crucifiers of Christ hearts were filled with the "Get the bad Guy" mentality. They actually believed they were the good guys.

That is why Christ taught what he did. Oh, I do believe in "getting the bad guy" and getting them good. But I also believe in taking the time to get it right. 

"Just be Nice"

On the other far side of the "get the bad guy" spectrum is the overzealous mercy side, "Just be nice." How just being nice and bringing someone to Christ can save souls. 

We've all heard and read the articles of a almost victim of a violent bad guy, says Christly things and gives the bad guy warm fuzzies, they repent and get better. But we also read of kindly Christians getting killed trying to give warm fuzzies to violent bad guys. 

"Just be nice" is great until taken to the wrong extreme. "Oh he raped you, Just be nice." "Oh he threatened to kill your baby. Just be nice." 

These become the people who sit back and do nothing about injustice and abuse against themselves and others.

Just as an overzealous sense of "get that bad guy" can destroy the innocent, "Just be nice" can be misused to enable abusers to rule, crush and destroy, all the while thinking they are Christlike buy being nice to the bad guy while they continue to wreak havoc. There is a time to "be nice", and their is a time to "get the bad guy". 

Mercy and Justice have to balance.

Soul Eaters

I used to have a relative that was sarcastic, nasty and cruel. He always seemed to know how to hurt you the deepest, and at the most delicate moments. When you felt like everything else in your life was so overwhelming, he knew just what to say to completely destroy what you had left of your soul. It was like he had his own personal line to the adversary. He never really knew how deep his cruelty went. He would then laugh, and as the butt of his joke, you were expected to laugh too, to show you were a good sport. Be careful of what you do to others, because you never know how little they have left to hold on to. His legacy continues with others he inspired. I learned sarcasm from him. It took so much for me to quit, but I did years ago. I look at him, and others like him as destroyers of souls.

How to Save Your Man and Your Marriage

You know you can save him right?   And after you do he will be so grateful to you for saving him and his relationship to his children, and bringing him back to God and Family.  He will love you so much more!  One day he will look at you with that sweet smile.

You've managed him as an abuser to minimize his abuse and the consequence of it.  Surely with God's help you can save him?  Right?

Many years ago there was a man name Martin.  He was a devout Christian.  He was a good man.  He went about preaching and bringing souls to God.  He loved all mankind.  Then there was one group he was devoted to saving.  The family of Christ.   He befriended them, he preached to them, with hope to bring them to Christ.  For many years he tried to pursuade them.

At the end of his years, after bringing so many to Christ, this single group still resisted, completely.  They kept about their traditions and refused to convert.

After all those years of Martin's good works bringing souls to Christ, Martin became frustrated and bitter toward the this one group. 

In his bitter anger, Martin Luthor wrote a book, "The ___ and their Lies".  This book was later picked up and expanded upon in a bigger longer winded confusing book, by the most hated man of the last century, and lead to the Holocaust and the deaths of millions in many countries.

The man who sought to save souls, became the seed of the greatest suffering of the last century.

Christ saves, you don't.  And it's in Christ's time, not yours.   No one can be forced to Come to the truth, no grand miracles can dissuade them from their course.   When one's heart seeks after Christ, then they do.  

You can pray for miracles, for signs, you can pray to God to beat the *** out of him and have it answered with six chinese men with metal bats, you can be the best love maker, you can make the best meals, you can starve yourself to anorexia, you can pray to have your heart filled with such love that he can't help but feel it too, you can give him back rubs every night while your 9 months pregnant, you can suffer without compliant, you can leave all the money in the accounts and let him take it all so you can't afford a lawyer just to show your fidelity, you can be kind and understanding about his relationships with other women, you can pray that something big will happen in the world that brings everyone back to home and family like 9/11 then watch the towers go tumbling down.  You can pray to God to show him what can happen to your children if your family fails, then witness terrible things.  You can do all these things and God can hear and answer every last prayer prayer.  But you are not the problem.  God is not the problem.

Your man chooses what he chooses because he is who he is.

And until you accept that, you are going to suffer.

When he doesn't love, or put his family first the problem is not that you don't love enough or serve enough or put your family first.   Your serving loving isn't the problem.  Increasing the serving and loving won't fix him.  Until he gets it, he will not be saved.  And you, cannot make him "get it."

When Christ taught, he preached, then went on his way.   Those who believed in him, followed him.   When someone Christ taught refused him, he went on his way. Christ did not stick around with someone who didn't want it.

You have no power on when and how he will be saved.  You can pray for him and hope for him and be the best woman you can be for you and your children.  But he makes his choices. 

If he is abusing you, and you think you will save him by staying, and letting him continue to rape and abuse you, that your love for him will eventually save him. You are wrong.   You are not following Christ.  Staying in a position where he can abuse you, then "turning the other cheek" is not going to save him, nor will it prove your righteousness.  It is fatally dangerous for your soul, and to his.

I guess we learn the hard way.

Is Chastity Outdated?

One thing I've noticed about a key difference about the culture of adultery vs the culture of fidelity is this:
Those from a culture of fidelity see faithfulness and chastity as a part of their character.  They have personal power and act on the world around them.
Those from a culture of adultery see faithfulness and chastity as a part of circumstances.  It happens to them.

I was raised in an environment of absolute chastity and fidelity.  I was over twenty, yes probably oblivious to reality.  But I was over twenty before I knowingly met an unfaithful adult.  Yes it turns out my high school seminary teacher had been cheating on his wife for years, but I didn't know that so...

Today's world teaches that chastity and fidelity is outdated, part of a fairy tale past that never really existed.  All those heroes we once look up to were "in truth"  promiscuous.  Today's world teaches abstinence until marriage is "too high" an expectation to expect.

Today's world teaches who cares if politicians, athletes, movie stars are unfaithful?  The term "role model" seems outdated. 

For me, this world view is hard to understand.   Chastity and fidelity seemed so easy.  And yet I feel ashamed in today's world to say, I waited until marriage, and was faithful to my husband.  And after my husband left, I waited again, until I was married again.

Why have I found Chastity easy?  Why does the world find it so hard.  I don't think it's from brute moral strength, but because I was taught how to be faithful.

Yes I am LDS, a Mormon.  As Mormons we are expected to wait until we are married, remain faithful for a lifetime, and beyond.    But the LDS Church doesn't just say, "Be faithful or you are damned."  It's more, "be faithful and you will be blessed and bless the lives of others."  We actually have a system in place, a system that makes chastity work.

What is the LDS plan?

We'll first understand this.  The world is filled with amazing people, attractive, fun, understanding, people who give you a warm fuzzy feeling.  Life is full of challenges to be overcome.  As you overcome them, not just by brute moral strength, but by sensible moral strategy.  You will always meet people you may want to become closer to.  If unchecked, relationships with these people can grow, and with the wrong person, become inappropriate.

The structure the LDS Church guidelines teach early in life, provides the discipline needed to keep relationships in their proper place for a life time.

LDS teens are taught to wait until they are 16 years old to begin dating.  Yikes that sound hard.  So many wonderful people to grow closer to, why wait?  By the time one turns 16, hopefully they've met plenty of wonderful prospects.  But the whole time, teens are expected to hold back on those relationships.  The character of meeting someone as a teen who makes your heart beat a little extra, but putting them off, is the same character you need as a married adult, meeting someone a little too close to your taste, and choosing to immediately turn away, and intentionally choosing not to build that relationship that will compete with your spouse.

Not to mention that teens go through such an extreme range of strong emotions, and are very good at hurting each other.

And once you turn 16 is it time to dive in?  Not really, what's taught and what's practiced varies.  Taught:  you can date when you turn 16, but don't pair off.  Double date.  Date different people and don't go steady.
Practiced:  some kids actually follow this council, others go steady, others go too steady in get into trouble.

Before missions or marriage, each individual makes covenants in the Temple to God.  Each individual covenants to obey the Law of Chastity. The law of chastity becomes a basic part of the individuals relationship with God.  God makes promises in compliment of treating our power of creating with respect. 

Then when a young man turns 19, instead of enjoying the College Frat, no the young man is sent on a Mission and expected to abstain from all female relations for two whole years.  They can write to that girlfriend back home.  Talk about discipline.   Young men  learn during those challenging two years, another level of self control.

When a young woman turns 21 she can choose to serve a 18 month mission too with the same expectations.

Then, while in college,  you can date again.  Then you wait until marriage.  Marriages in the Temple are considered Eternal.  The children we bring into the world will be with us for eternity.  If either party is unfaithful, that party will be cut off from God and that eternal family.  The remaining faithful spouse can find another to marry. For the remaining spouse, the eternal relationship with their children remains intact.

Many college age couple struggle to keep this commitment until marriage, but many make it.  Its one of the reasons LDS engagements tend to be shorter.

My first husband and I struggled before we married until I went on the pill.  Once I was on the pill I felt like a drone and had no pheromones.   That made chastity easier, but was too boring after marriage.  We did make it to marriage.

Well that's the structure given to LDS youth for and how to accomplish it chastity, but the church also teaches the whole "why" thing.

Okay, according to LDS beliefs, we are all literal Children of God.  We come from the presence of God when we are born.  God established the family structure to protect his children and provide the best possible future for them.  

Yes, unfortunately those families when abusive can be more dangerous for the child.  But, the family was intended to safeguard the Children of God.  Each child with an infinite potential of intelligence and power for good or evil.

Before a child is brought into this world, we are expected to establish a loving strong family to protect them.  Destroy the family, destroy the child. 

Breaking the law of chastity is considered second only to murder.  Murder meaning ending the life of another, unprepared, and unfulfilled in this life.  Adultery being it's complement, toying with the beginning of life and creation, without preparing a strong family with eternal commitments for that life.

Marriage is not about finding someone who will indulge all your wants and lusts, but a deep commitment to God and each other and your future children.

I cried and my heart ached so hard I felt it was crushing in before my last child was born, knowing my husband was committed to leaving after her birth.  Knowing she would never see her parents teach her love by example to each other.  Knowing she would not have those protections.

After she was born, he kept his commitment to leave.  He mocked every part of our marriage, as I desperately tried to save it.  To  me, saving our marriage meant saving our children.  I've since learned otherwise.  He made fun of me and my fidelity declaring to me that the reason it was easy for me to be faithful was because I was to isolated.  Circumstance only.

I firmly believe that Chastity under covenant gives our prayers a certain power.  After he left, the divorce took over two years.  I was living with the children in Idaho.  By the teachings of the LDS church, when you are married, you are married, separation or not.  So I refused to date or allow any possible relationships, much like a missionary.  I knew that my commitment was to God, and provided a sacred protection to my eternal relationship to my children. As the divorce was dragged on by paperwork.  Eventually I had a protection order and a no contact order protecting me from him.  So I didn't see my husband for two years.   After over a year, my handsome, caring next door neighbor offered to comfort me.  He tried to be nice to me, but in my loneliness he seemed to me my darkest threat.  I'd lost everything but my eternal relationship to my children and my relationship to God.  I couldn't give up all I had left.  Finally one day as I drove home, and saw my neighbor's  truck parked next door I complained to God.

"I've been faithful all my life.  I've done all that I have been asked.  I was faithful too the extreme to my husband and he has shown me nothing but cruelty.  I've always avoided anything that could lead to unfaithfulness.  You are the one who brought me here to Idaho.   Idaho protected me as you promised.  He has been a kind neighbor, but I can't take it any more.  Next time he asked for a hug, I'm not strong enough to say no.   You promised to remove temptation when we ask.  I don't know what you are going to do with my neighbor, but take him away. I can't do it any more.  My husband won't change and he's not letting me go either, he shops while holding me hostage knowing I would never be unfaithful."


A week later, my kind neighbor came over to announce the shocking news.  He was being sent to Iraq for over a year.  You have no idea how relieved I was.  I just had to make it until he left.  Glory to God.  When the Sunday school teacher at church asks us about answered prayers, mine just seem a little too out there to mention.  Thankfully my neighbor survived Iraq.

So I passed the test he said I could never pass.  Hey, where is my medal?  Oh it's my kids and my relationship to God.

One thing I know is my prayers are frequently answered boldly.  I believe that my choice to keep the covenant I made to God is key to that. 

Chasity is not about just circumstance.

Adultery can also be used as blackmail, it's a terrible form of abuse.  Some men threaten their wives with adultery unless they meet all their demands.  This is a cruel demeaning way to live.  Many who are unfaithful blame the spouse for their own actions. I know this too well.

When you chose to live the Law of Chastity and keep that covenant to God, God is bound.  God makes promises too, and he keeps them.  "I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say, When you do not what I say, ye have no promise."

While the world mocks Chasity as outdated and unrealistic, when taught from the beginning, it's not so hard.   Yes some circumstances can make it more difficult, but the faithful manage their circumstances, and ask God for help when necessary.   God does answer prayers, especially when you're trying to do what he's asked to begin with.

If you were never taught about the power of Chastity, you can begin now.  Don't ask me about the transition, I don't know.  I was taught from the beginning.  I know God prepares a way for everyone to change through the repentance process.

For the Record

At no time, did any of my family members, Father, Brothers, or any siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, at no time or place did any of my family members make any physical contact with me that was sexual in nature.  At no time, did any of my family members threaten, suggest or indicate in any way of any sexual intentions to me.

I have never witnessed any sexually abuse of others within my family, nor have I heard of any such abuse.

At no time have I ever spoken, suggested, indicated or written that any of my family members did so.

The only one who has ever sexually mistreated me is my ex husband.   I have never indicated, spoken or suggested otherwise at any time.

At the beginning of the divorce, my ex husband yelled at me accusing me that one of my  family members had sexually abused me.  I boldly testified to my ex husband that  was absolutely not true.

For the record.

Natalie Fleming Pye

A child's cry for Attention

What is the difference between a child's "Cry for Attention", and a child's cry for help. 

The listener.  A child has the God give right to love and attention of their parents or guardians.  A child deprived of the love and attention of their parent will begin to act out.

A Parent who doesn't want to be troubled by their children will say, "It's just a cry for attention.  Don't feed it." 

A Parent who genuinely loves their children will realize they need to at least spend more time with their child to make a difference.

The Passage of Time as Atonement

If the mere passage of time washes away our sins, then we have no need of the atonement of Jesus Christ.  But the passage of time does not cleans our crimes.  Imagine Genghis  Kkan at the Judgement bar of God.  "But God, that was like, 400 years ago!"

Attempts of Victim Intimidation.

I received an unbelievable phone call today.

A woman  called me.  She believed I have information on her husbands ex wife.    She believes that the ex wife has said privately that the husband abused her.

She wanted to supeana me to speak against the ex wife in custody court, that the woman spoke of being abused.  And thus attempt to revoke custody of the children from a mother who may or may not have spoken privately about abuse.

I cannot begin to express the rage at this behavior.  The very idea, that if a woman speaks privately of being abused, that she can have her children taken away.

And people wonder why so many women are silent about abuse.  Their children are held ransom.  Women are blackmailed into silence. 

Wives of Creeps

A while ago I was helping out in the home of a friend, and I turned around.

Eeeewww!

There was the man who previously traumatized a dear friend of mine.  Since then he had married.

Anyway, so there he stood.  A year ago he had committed a crime that left the girl the legal right to shoot him in the moment.   My friend was too nice to him about it.  And now here he stood, his new cheerful wife in the room.

Thankfully my husband had run an errand and missed this occasion. 

While I understand he is a creep, his wife was hard for me to get. 

What are the rules?  What is right and what is wrong when it comes to telling a woman dating a man, or who married a creep, that her man is a creep.

I know it's hard to believe but I held my tongue.  But what I really wanted to do was say to the Wife, "Why did you marry a creep who......!"

Protecting my fellow women is a strong drive for me.   I have a personal witness of what God does to those who abuse women.  I guess I need to trust him.

But what about those woman who ignore it.   Like those moms who defend their bad sons in the neighborhood.

What about those women who just tra la la with corrupt men?

There is Stockholm Syndrome, where the abused women defend their creepy husbands to the death.

Why?  Well in abusive relationships, everything the abuser experiences or feels, is all important.  His every mood swing affects his partner.  An abuser escalates their smallest disappointments and takes them out on their partner. Until their partners spends all their time, keeping the abuser safe and happy.  Making sure every moment, managing the universe to the pleasure of the abuser, lest they face the dire consequences of the abusers unhappiness.

Keeping the abuser happy can be an all consuming job.  Night and day, at home, at work, at church, at play, and in every situation.

The emotional, physical livelihood of the abused depends upon the abusers whims.

So anyone, or anything that comes along and displeases the abuser, the partner of the abuser will attack. 

So, telling a current partner of a known abuser of the abusers past, can be very loaded.

Fear of Losing Child Custody for Coming Forward

It took me years before I could even begin to form the words of what happened to me.

Yet every night, I cried into my pillow as I tried to go to sleep at night.

Terrible memories of what he did to me replayed in my mind.

But I was so afraid to talk to anyone about it.

It was so ugly, so shameful.  I couldn't believe he could do those things to me.

About a year after the divorce he was prosecuted for something much smaller, just hitting me. 

I didn't have the courage to tell anyone about the other things, so I decided to support the prosecution of the smaller case.

I was also afraid for his behalf.  I didn't want to hurt him.  The state of Idaho Prosecutes the husband when the wife is unwilling.   They promised me they'd just force him to go to anger management.   I believed it would help him. 

I didn't have the courage to come forward to talk about the more serious things that  happened to me.

The month before the hearing was pure hell.   Just thinking about testifying against my husband whom I still loved was horrible to me.  Yet so much was screaming inside of me to get out.

The day before the sentencing I Counseled with one I trusted.  I hinted to what I could not actually form the words to say.  I asked if I should speak of those things at the sentencing.   I was told, "If it is true, tell it."

One of my biggest fears, beyond just the horror of testifying against someone you love was this.  I was afraid I would loose my children in custody court if I spoke out about what he did to me intimately.  He was the one with money for attorneys, not me.  I was afraid that if I spoke out about serious abuse, he would accuse me of false accusations, because he was more persuasive, even when he was wrong.  I was so scared of him and the power he pretended to have.

I spoke at the hearing.  The judge let me go on and on.  I don't remember what I said.  It was like a blackout in my mind.  I remember bits and pieces of what I said.  I remember trembling.

I felt blessed that although I didn't have the courage or strength or understanding to do the real thing, for the real case that should have been, I had a small measure of peace.

But some foolish women like me, do fear to speak out, for fear of harming their children with the knowledge of the truth, or loosing their children to men with the money who hire attorneys and punish women who speak out.

I do know there are those who are so twisted and evil that would punish a woman by using those cries for help against them in court to attempt to take their children away.  

If anyone ever came to me trying to silence a woman, or punish a woman for speaking about abuse, I would shout it to the world and take them to the cleaners.  I will always speak out against abuse.  I will always defend and protect the abused.  Ghandi taught by word and example that best way to overcome abusers is to speak out against them publicly.